Snowden Nominated for Nobel Peace Prize; Assange: “What the Fuck, Guys?”
Category Archives: Archives
God Denies Ever Creating Ken Ham
“The Bible says I said ‘let there be light,’ not ‘let there be Ken Ham,’” God wrote in a brief statement to the press.
Local Girl Wears Balaclava, Looks Surprisingly Spectacular
A well-informed fashionista with her own fashion tumblr, she was aware of the stigma surrounding the garment. However, for once in her damn life, she decided her safety was more important than fashion.
NSA Keeps Watchlist of “Bomb Proficient” Angry Birds Users
Concussed Football Player Shows up to Press Conference Six Days Late
“Such a nice boy, even if his brain is a little mushy. Oh well, it’s not like anyone ever forced him to play football,” said head custodian Alexander Jones.
AT&T, T-Mobile To Get Out Rulers, Compare Dicks
Thousands Still Late to Class after Cold Catches Evanston Completely Prepared
Local authorities have been unable to calculate just how many people have missed the first few minutes of class where the professor tries to get students’ attention without being rude but estimates are running in the tens-of-thousands.
Obama Gives Credit to “the Real American Heroes” for Ending the Shutdown
Michelle Angelo, who volunteered during both of Obama’s presidential campaigns, said it was this kind of government she had envisioned when she first saw Obama’s “Hope” posters.
New Shuttle Tracking App Allows You to Virtually See the Shuttle You Just Missed
Peyton Manning Named Super Bowl XLVIII MVP, Crucial to Seahawks Victory