Ancient Nerd Civilization Discovered Upon Opening Deering Doors
Category Archives: Archives
Tennessee Freshman Learns True Meaning of Halloween
EVANSTON — Bienen Freshman Tricia Williams, originally from Maryville, Tennessee, recently learned the true meaning of Halloween. After talking to some students from the Chicago area (really Wilmette and Naperville), Williams was shocked to buy priligy online without prescription learn that her previous beliefs about Halloween were absolutely and completely wrong. She said, âI thought costumes were about being someone other than yourself. Instead of just asking, âWhat are you going to be?â people here ask, âHow much clothing are
Experts Confirm: Only Way to Win Affirmative Action Debate is to Keep Your Fucking Mouth Shut
Mourdock’s Rape Comment Doesn’t Really Divert Attention Away from Affirmative Action Article
Police Arrest â78 Alumna for “Tryna Get Shwasty” at Homecoming
EVANSTON — Eileen Schneider, WCAS â78, was arrested this weekend for belligerent behavior and public indecency during a homecoming event on Deering Meadow, according to new reports from the Evanston Police Department. She had been yelling obscenities across the meadow and flashing gentlemen coming in and out of Kellogg. Schneider was stunned by her arrest and by the harsh campus rules that have âpoisoned this university.â âI was just tryna get a little shwasty up on Sheridan,â Schneider said as
East Coast Students Celebrate Canceled Classes (Due to Hurricane That Will Most Likely Kill Dozens)
History Teacher a Real Dickwad for Scheduling Test the Monday after Halloween Weekend
By Harry Barbash, Sophomore Economics Major What the fuck, Professor Donaghy? Do you have any idea what happened this last weekend? You think there was time to study for a midterm about the Celts in the 11th century? Because there sure as shit was not. Letâs start with the obvious. Halloween is the peak time for drunken revelry. Halloween just sweetens the crowded-apartment-party pot. Hookups become even more anonymous as you grind up on whatever masked personâs behind you. Alcohol
Roommate Writes Sincere Apology Note, Sorry for Sexiling
Asshole Frat Brother Secretly Loves Telling People to Take a Lap
EVANSTON — Reports stemming from the Rho chapter of the Tappa Tappa Keg fraternity indicate that brother Ben Nickerson, a Weinberg junior, secretly loves turning people away from the fraternityâs numerous events and social engagements. âJust the look on these peopleâs faces when you tell them to walk around the block, itâs hysterical,â said Nickerson, casually lounging on the house porch, Solo cup in hand. âThey look like you just told them Christmas is cancelled. They just donât believe they
Barnes & Noble Hacked; Thieves Make Off with 70 Dollars