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73% Find Sorority Preview “Terrifying”

EVANSTON – According to a study performed by the Psychology Department at Northwestern University on Tuesday, 73% of participating freshmen were “absolutely terrified” by sorority recruitment preview. “It’s really understandable,” Panhellenic Council President Sarah Borges commented. “Six hours of inane small talk, uncomfortable fashion, and tightly-stretched fake smiles? It’s a lot like Dante’s fourth circle of Hell.” Following this Saturday’s six-hour marathon of lightning rounds of frivolous chitchat, outdated traditions like door chants, and judgmental looks over awkwardly eaten food

Live Tweeting From Lupe, Matt and Kim

This article was purposefully left unedited. “bout to get #whitegirlwasted” “Wating in line for this bus omf it’s cold as shit y is it so cold uagg” “I shouldn’t hav drank al that win lololololol” “”maybe I should just put my camera up my vagina” @maria_fd9 hahaahhahah #kinkybitch” “I know exactly 2 lupe and 2 m&k songs. Let’s hope they just play them the whole time” “OMG ITS FUCKIN COLD LET US N LUPE” “My nipples are going to be

NU Cuisine Launches New Breakfast Slogan: “The Best $10 Bagel You’ll Ever Eat!”

EVANSTON – In an attempt to increase dining hall attendance during the 7:30-11:00 breakfast period, NU Cuisine has hired a new PR team to revamp the image of the meal without actually spending any money to improve it. “We’ve received a lot of complaints,” Allison dining hall manager Chris Hynde told me as we sat down for a shockingly expensive breakfast of greasy hash browns, stale Rice Krispies, and watery coffee. “A lot of students feel that a roughly ten-dollar

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