Mother’s Day Perfect Time to Announce Gap Year
Instead of jumping off a bridge, jump into a new line of work and announce to your parents not that you’re an abject failure but that you need to truly find yourself.
Category Archives: Featured
Area Student Secures Subway Sandwich Engineering Internship
“You know, I had a lot of jobs to choose between. I’m a pretty desirable candidate.”
Review Session Commandeered by Asshole Who Just Wants to Learn
During a review session for the Econ 202 Midterm, sources have reported that local asshole Jeremy Crack (WCAS ’19) commandeered the entire session.
SOURCE: Hillary Hazes Pledged Delegates
“Not just anyone gets to be a delegate for Hillary Rodham Clinton. These pledges need to show that they have what it takes to win me the Democratic nomination.”
Waa-Mu Set Burns Down Due to High Concentration of Theater Majors
The cast dispersed quickly and none were harmed. Once they all went into their dressing rooms, they were far enough away from each other to keep things at a safe, inflammable level.
Student Group Successfully Produces Large-scale Concert
“It just goes to show that with a little bit of planning and preparation, a student group can in fact have a successful concert with big-name artists.”
Op-Ed: How Did My Econ Class End Up as a Dialogue on Women’s Reproductive Rights?
I just sat there in my chair, wondering how this happened and trying not to be labelled a gay-hating misogynist with a small penis for wanting to get back to the lecture.
Op Ed: It’s Awkward to Have a Woman on the Money I Use to Tip Strippers
“Because generous tippers like myself find it weird to see a woman on the money we use to tip strippers, and an old woman at that.”
Waa-Mu Cast Dies of Dysentery
“If it’s not dysentery, it’s cholera. Or exhaustion. We even had four different potential cast members break all of their legs in separate, unrelated incidents.”
Bernie Announces Monica Lewinsky as Running Mate
“She’s flexible, she’s not afraid to get her hands dirty, and she knows how to get things done in the Oval Office.”