Op-Ed: I Can’t Laugh at a Joke Unless It’s Accompanied by an Article That Reiterates the Joke in Less Funny Terms for 200 Words
The title says it all.
Category Archives: Opinion
Op-Ed: Boeing 747? More Like, More Like Boing Boing Boing Boing Boing Boing Boing (740 More Times)
Hear ye, hear ye, all ye faithful rest thy knees and allow me to spin ye a yarn which ye shanāt soon forget.
Op-ed: I’d be way better at scooping up red goop than that fuckass robot arm
Just the other day, during my 4th out of 6 hours of daily scrolling on twitter I mean X, I saw a troubling video I had not seen in a hot second. It was that video of that fuckass robot arm trying to scoop up a bunch of red goop and failing MISERABLY. I would do way, way better. I thought we invented robots to be good at completing tasks. Take for example, the robots you see when youāre watching
Op-Ed: Sometimes You Have to Stand Up For What You Believe In and Thatās Why Iām Chaining Myself to the Evanston Chiliās
Do you think I chose Northwestern for the academics, the extracurriculars, or the community? No! I chose it for the Evanston Chiliās.
From a universe where nothing ever goes wrong: I have a mouth, but I don’t need to scream :)ļæ¼
Well golly-gee-good-morning, world! My name is John J. Johnson, and I have the best life ever!
Op-Ed: You driving while having a “baby on board” has nothing to do with meļæ¼
The other day when I was driving and intently studying the bumper stickers on the car in front of me, I saw my least favorite sticker of all time.
Op-Ed: Norovirus Outbreak In Elder Hall Comes To An End As I, Diego Guerrero, Become The Last Surviving Elderite
It continued until the outbreak ended and I returned to my dorm to realize that I, Diego Guerrero, have become the last surviving Elderite.
Op-Ed: To Smithereens Is The Best Way To Be Blown
Call it what you want, but thereās nothing like being blown to smithereens to calm me down after a stressful week.
Op-Ed: I Wish I Were a Woman So My Voice Could Be Less Influentialļæ¼
She can say absolutely anything and we will be none the wiser, because no one listens to women.
Fall Quarter In Review: I Could Die On This Campus And Nothing Would Change
What a quarter this has been. From late nights ripping my hair out behind a bookshelf in Core, to late nights ripping my hair out in the corner of the quiet section in Mudd, I truly feel like Iāve reached the limit of what Iām going to accomplish at Northwestern. This has all brought me to one conclusion: I could die and nothing on this campus would change. If I got rolled over by a steam roller, Iād just be