Op-Ed: There Are So Many Numbers Out There… Letters, Not So Much
We can mash numbers together to make even bigger numbersā¦ but we canāt make āmore letters.ā Those are just words.
Category Archives: Opinion
Op-Ed: We Would Have Had a Holiday Party if SOMEBODY Had Just Called it a Christmas Partyļæ¼
President Lesmerises, whose scorn for fun was made clear ever since her first order as President to cancel the spring break trip to Punta Cana, announced from her high horse that the plans for the annual Flipside Holiday Party had been cancelled by her and her alone.
Op-Ed: I Can’t Laugh at a Joke Unless It’s Accompanied by an Article That Reiterates the Joke in Less Funny Terms for 200 Words
The title says it all.
Op-Ed: Boeing 747? More Like, More Like Boing Boing Boing Boing Boing Boing Boing (740 More Times)
Hear ye, hear ye, all ye faithful rest thy knees and allow me to spin ye a yarn which ye shanāt soon forget.
Op-ed: I’d be way better at scooping up red goop than that fuckass robot arm
Just the other day, during my 4th out of 6 hours of daily scrolling on twitter I mean X, I saw a troubling video I had not seen in a hot second. It was that video of that fuckass robot arm trying to scoop up a bunch of red goop and failing MISERABLY. I would do way, way better. I thought we invented robots to be good at completing tasks. Take for example, the robots you see when youāre watching
Op-Ed: Sometimes You Have to Stand Up For What You Believe In and Thatās Why Iām Chaining Myself to the Evanston Chiliās
Do you think I chose Northwestern for the academics, the extracurriculars, or the community? No! I chose it for the Evanston Chiliās.
From a universe where nothing ever goes wrong: I have a mouth, but I don’t need to scream :)ļæ¼
Well golly-gee-good-morning, world! My name is John J. Johnson, and I have the best life ever!
Op-Ed: You driving while having a “baby on board” has nothing to do with meļæ¼
The other day when I was driving and intently studying the bumper stickers on the car in front of me, I saw my least favorite sticker of all time.
Op-Ed: Norovirus Outbreak In Elder Hall Comes To An End As I, Diego Guerrero, Become The Last Surviving Elderite
It continued until the outbreak ended and I returned to my dorm to realize that I, Diego Guerrero, have become the last surviving Elderite.
Op-Ed: To Smithereens Is The Best Way To Be Blown
Call it what you want, but thereās nothing like being blown to smithereens to calm me down after a stressful week.