ZOMBIE ISSUE: A Zombie’s Struggle
Let’s not forget which race nearly elected a crazy masturbating witch and continues to pay attention to the Jersey Shore.
Category Archives: Opinion
Ask The Flipside – Swine Flu
Dear NU Flipside, Swine flu is definitely a zombie virus. How can I survive the zombie apocalypse? Sincerely, James Walshington Well James, we here at The Northwestern Flipside have put many hours into the study of zombies and can say with great certainty that this so called “swine flu” is really a government ploy to cover up the reality that the dead are being reanimated as zombies. In the course of our studies, we have also devised a comprehensive survival
1859 EDITION: Fiction Review: On the Origin of Species
This week’s book is an enthralling epic narrative by Charles Darwin entitled On the Origin of Species, in which the protagonist travels on a fantastical voyage to a magical island off the coast of South America. While on the surface this story may seem to be one of a slightly eccentric man cavorting with animals, as would the character of a children’s book, it is my belief that much literary significance can be found in many of the characterizations. The
Opinion: Lakefill? More like Lake-augment!
So I keep hearing about this Northwestern Lakefill and how it’s so glorious. Yeah, it has a nice view of Chicago. And sure, it provides people a nice place to run for a total of three months during the school year. But Lake-FILL? I think not. This supposed engineering marvel “filled in the lake” to “add more land to the Northwestern campus.” Ludicrous! The lake is barely full at all. In fact, there’s a whole shit-ton of water left in
Ask The Flipside – Hangout Places
Dear The Northwestern Flipside, I’m a freshman, where are the best places to hang out on campus? Sincerely, Mitch Skillman Dear Mitch, I’m glad you asked, as there are a lot of really cool places where really cool people hang out and do really cool stuff. For instance, there is a popular vampire-themed dance club in the 28th sub-basement of Tech. Don’t worry, it has nothing to do with Twilight, many engineers simply find that long hours in Tech tend
Ask The Flipside – Will I Ever Get to Go Home?
Dear Northwestern Flipside, All of my friends are already home from school. Will I ever get to go home? Your number one fan, Randolph K. Hassenpfeffer Well, Randy (I’m going to call you Randy whether you like it or not), the answer is quite simple: NO. You are in fact stuck here until you graduate. There is a secret clause in the housing agreement stating that all students are forbidden from being at home for more than a month while
Ask The Flipside – Why Don’t You Have Any Articles Regarding Women?
Dear The Northwestern Flipside, Why don’t you have any “Area Woman” articles? It seems like you only ever write articles about men. Sincerely, Sheila Von Ontario Dear Sheila, The main reason that the Flipside is so testosterone-fueled is that women rarely do anything stupid enough for us to bother writing articles about them. It’s so much easier to make up funny stories about some drunken dude’s escapades than it is to find humor in cooking and cleaning. I mean, look
Ask The Flipside – Why Do You Keep Putting Stuff in my Mailbox?
Dear The Northwestern Flipside, Why do you assholes keep putting stuff in my mailbox? Yours Truly, Gerd Höffenhauer Well Gerd, some people actually appreciate receiving The Flipside every week. Actually, the fact that you don’t appreciate The Flipside would seem to indicate that you are not human. So we at The Flipside have a question for you: What the fuck are you? Are you a Dementor? Are you Ann Coulter? Or a zombie perhaps? Or maybe you are just a
Opinion: New Facebook Has Ruined My Life
Well isn’t this just great? My life was finally starting to get on track. I was just beginning to like my job and I was actually making money in the stock market, if you can believe that. Then, all of a sudden, I come home, start up my Mac Book Pro, and boom, Facebook completely flips a shit! Does my life suck or what? Facebook doesn’t care “what’s on my mind.” If they really cared, they’d change back to the