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Area Man Defriends Facebook “Friend” on Friend’s Birthday

January 19, 2013 Brian Earl Leave a comment

MILWAUKEE, WI — Milwaukee native George Waterson defriended his Facebook friend David Debbleby Monday night. Monday was Debbleby’s birthday. “I really don’t like David,” said Waterson. “I had actually forgotten we were still Facebook friends, but I guess he was just hidden from my newsfeed.” The two became Facebook friends in 2007, when both men were in the same group for a high school English project that involved a computer slideshow presentation, a speech, a short written report, and the

[The Flipside Guide to the 2013 Oscars] Argo & Django Unchained

January 18, 2013 Andrew Schneider Leave a comment

With Oscar season in full swing, The Flipside is proud to present a summary of 2012’s most acclaimed films. In the name of brevity (and to better emulate the Academy), we are pretending that The Master and Moonrise Kingdom don’t exist. Peruse our reviews of the other nominees: *Zero Dark Thirty and Les Mis *Silver Linings Playbook and Life of Pi *Lincoln: Thoughts from a Northerner, a Southerner, and a Man Who Misheard the Title of the Film as LinkedIn

Armstrong Circa 2005 Upset by “Slanderous” Remarks from Armstrong Circa 2013, Threatens to Destroy Career

January 18, 2013 Brian Lee Leave a comment

AUSTIN, TX — In recently acquired testimonies, anonymous sources report that Lance Armstrong in 2005 was extremely upset by public statements made by Lance Armstrong in 2013 regarding his doping allegations. The Flipside was told by these sources that ’05-Armstrong vowed to his closest confidants that he wanted to destroy the career of ’13-Armstrong for the “obviously-false” statements made by Armstrong. According to the sources, ’05-Armstrong went on a tirade against ’13-Armstrong, calling him “crazy,” “bitch,” and “a prostitute with

Back from Break, Thoughts that my Angry Feminist Roommate Didn’t (Did) Share

January 17, 2013 Rachel Beal Leave a comment

UGH. I just can’t believe we’re back already. It’s not even that I don’t want to do school work again, I mean I’m really excited to get to the nitty-gritty in “Gender Studies 205: Why it’s so Hard to be a Woman” and “History 307: A History of Every Repressed Culture in History.” It’s just that Northwestern is like SO, heteronormative.

New Sorority Pledge in Love With Her Sisters, Unsure of All Their Names

January 17, 2013 Eric Vanchieri Leave a comment

EVANSTON — Lambda Omicron Lambda’s newest sister Maggie Kelter announced Thursday that she is “like totally in love with her new sisters.” After receiving her bid Tuesday night, Maggie fell into a state of hysterical joy and, along with a throng of strangers whose names she would pretend to know, began shrieking over the fact that she was now a sister of LOL. Accompanied by the rest of her new LOL sisters, Maggie marched to LOL’s chapter house to celebrate.

Piers Morgan Interviews CBS This Morning Hosts about Interview with Oprah after Her Interview with Lance Armstrong

January 16, 2013 Brian Lee Leave a comment

NEW YORK — Continuing the media frenzy over Lance Armstrong’s admission of doping, Piers Morgan invited the hosts of CBS This Morning to talk about their latest interview with Oprah Winfrey, whose recent interview of Lance Armstrong is set to air in a few days. “We were pretty well prepared going into the interview,” said Charlie Rose, one of the co-hosts of the morning news program, to Morgan. “We’ve read all the information out there available about the interview she’s

Professor Segues To Segue

January 16, 2013 Jacob Clinton Leave a comment

EVANSTON — Northwestern Media Studies professor Miles Head entered into a ten-minute-long series of conceptual segues last Tuesday while attempting to explain the syllabus to his “History of the Hyperlink” class. The first segue occurred as Professor Head wrapped up his discussion of the syllabus’s “Academic Honesty” section, referring to a “network of scholarly communication.” He then told the class, “and speaking of networks, boy, do I have quite the in-class technology policy.” Students reported that at this moment the

Performance Enhancing Drugs Sole Inductee to Baseball Hall of Fame

January 15, 2013 Matt Clarkston Leave a comment

COOPERSTOWN, NY — Last Wednesday, the Baseball Writers’ Association of America made history by voting in the first non-human inductee to the Hall of Fame. “Performance Enhancing Drugs” (PED) was the only candidate to receive the needed 75% of the vote, ushering it into baseball’s most hallowed ground. PED built an impressive resume in its decades-long stint in the MLB, accounting for over 90,000 home runs, 325,000 RBI’s, 800 ‘roid rage tantrums, and 500 shrunken testicles before being forced into

Freshman Girl Just Wants to be in a Sorority Already

January 14, 2013 Dean Meisel Leave a comment

LIKE, EVANSTON — Freshman Jackie Parker like, really felt a connection with Lambda Lambda Lambda today. She doesn’t know, like, call her crazy, but she could totally see herself being a Tri-Lamb. Don’t get her wrong, like, she loved a few of the others, but she just felt an immediate bond with the girls there. And plus they’re, like, super pretty. But please don’t ask her about recruitment cause it’s sooo annoying and stressful and she just wants to talk

Social Media Savvy Students Look for Job Availabilities

January 9, 2013 Noah Rawitz Leave a comment

EVANSTON — With annual winter job and internship fairs approaching, many Northwestern students are crossing their fingers in hopes that their “social media skills” will be as highly sought-after as that one article they read on Forbes a month ago reported was a possibility. “I’m a social media expert,” said Weinberg junior Justin Thomas. “I am proficient in Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Tumblr, and now SnapChat.” According to a recent career services survey, over the past year many formerly undecided undergrads