Category Archives: Articles

Future Frat Star To Host “Rock the Beach” Pregame

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EVANSTON – The future Rush Chair of Tappa Tappa Keg moved into Bobb this week and announced to his floor that he will be hosting the official “Rock the Beach” pregame of the dorm. Rock the Beach is a Wildcat Welcome Week event where new students get to hang out on Northwestern’s sandy shore and dance with people they barely know. They typically take many pictures to prove to their friends who have been in college for three weeks already

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Small Town Freshmen Break Ice Too Awkwardly, Decide to Go Home

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EVANSTON – The cutthroat Northwestern academic environment has already proved too high-stress for several members of the Class of 2016, who were sent home during Wildcat Welcome Week after several ill-conceived rounds of icebreakers. Tommy McNamara of Joplin City, Missouri, suffered a mental breakdown when he was only able to come up with two truths and no lie. “It was too weird. I guess it can be hard to come up with something under the gun like that, but still,

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Northwestern Motto Gravely Puzzles Incoming Classics Major

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ROCKFORD, IL – Julius Marder was deeply troubled Monday morning when he realized he didn’t know how to translate Northwestern’s motto, Quaecumque sunt vera. “I’ve taken AP Latin and placed into Latin 201-3 here,” said Marder, who will be moving onto campus Thursday with the rest of the Class of 2016. “But I don’t know what my new school’s motto means! It gave me a headache.” Marder first encountered Northwestern’s motto on a piece of promotional material mailed to him,

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A Farewell Message from the NU Flipside Founder

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Dear humble Flipside reader, The Stanford Flipside beat me to this, but I guess there’s a precedent now. Like most new student groups at Northwestern, our first task was pivotal: gaining recognition from the omnipotent governing body known as ASG. By the way, ASG actually stands for “A Status Groupsgetallthefunding,” but that’s a story for another farewell message, a much more cynical and ill-tempered farewell message. Yes, that is the best fake acronym I could come up with. I was

Read more No. 86, Opinion

[His Campus] An Exploration South of Tech

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We engineers never have any need to go to south campus, but in case you accidentally find yourself there, here are some descriptions to help you get a lay of the land and get back north as fast as possible. Kresge – The Tech of south campus. When south campus people say that they get lost in Tech, pretend they said Kresge and you will understand their pain. Main Library – An inferior version of Tech Library. From an architectural

Read more Local, No. 86, Opinion
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