“I just can’t believe she could ever think any school was better than THE Ohio State University,” her former best friend said. “Just because she goes to that school doesn’t mean she can actually want them to be successful.”
“We wanted to give our viewers a taste of the Northwestern University experience, which includes a constant sensory barrage of the sights, sounds, and smells of an active construction site in one of America’s top-twelve universities,” said host Chris Fowler.
The Air Force, Navy, and Army football games were put into jeopardy due to the government shutdown that began last Tuesday. The upcoming match in Syria will continue the rivalry between the Army and nearly every team in the MEC (Middle Eastern Conference).
The older brother of quarterbacks Peyton and Eli Manning, Cooper was diagnosed with spinal stenosis when he was 18, seemingly ending his athletic career. But more than 20 years later, he has made his return to football as a 39-year-old rookie for the Giants.
Official Languages: Bromanian, Keg-tapanese, Coorsican
As the only satirical newspaper on campus, The Northwestern Flipside feels proud (and obligated) to nominate its first annual Homecoming Court and recognize the most notable members of the Northwestern and surrounding Evanston community.
“We’re going to have to build a good team if we want to stand a chance against our rival, Texas A&M University at Qatar,” said Football Coach Pat Fitzgerald.
By Alexander Timothy Rawlings III, the British exchange student living on the seventh floor of Plex I can’t believe this. I bloody can’t. A bloke who’s been the head coach of one of the most famous football (yes, real football, not that sodding joke of a sport that’s ripping off rugby) clubs in the world for TWENTY-SIX YEARS resigns and NOBODY in this country bloody notices? I mean, I’m pretty tolerant, so I understand that you yanks pay more attention
CHICAGO — Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler stunned the seventy people who follow the NFL in the off-season when he announced his retirement at a surprise press conference. “It’s time for me to move on,” said the disgruntled quarterback. “I’m tired of getting sacked by Clay Matthews and Ndamukong Suh. I’m tired of throwing interceptions. I’m tired of having my toughness questioned, of being called weak.” Cutler said he plans to pursue his other dream job. “Being a starting NFL