Morty Admits That He Personally Reviews the Applications of Students With Fire Soundclouds
“You can get upset at me for what seems to be a blatant breach of fairness in admissions, but you can’t deny the hustle” said Shapiro.
Tag Archives: Morty Shapiro
Morty Threatens to Raise Tuition 3.6% for Every Game Basketball Team Loses
Northwestern Students across campus seem to agree that while the punishment is harsh, it’s the only way to get the basketball team to stop losing.
Loud Noise Has Morty Pull Covers Higher Over Head
It took the promise of an extra juice box with breakfast before he’d even poke his head out.
Northwestern Issues Apology for Fake Platform 9¾ Report
CHICAGO—After sending a campus-wide email that a student has gone missing since accidentally boarding the Platform 9¾ train at Union Station, Northwestern University has discovered that this report was a hoax after the student was found sipping piña coladas and re-reading the fifth Harry Potter novel at the Union Station bar. “It was not a bonafide instance of magical kidnapping,” said a policeman, using his strongest diction possible. Widespread concern was felt because of many details in the email. The