Infographic: Why is Pope Benedict Retiring?
Tag Archives: Religion
Manti Te’o, Notre Dame Reveal God is a Hoax
SOUTH BEND, IN — It looks like Moses, Jesus, and Muhammad have some explaining to do. God does not exist, and an investigation launched by Notre Dame University on December 26th confirms the news. The investigation was initiated after there was no Christmas miracle and Manti Te’o failed to win the Heisman. All doubt was removed after the heathens from Alabama routed Notre Dame 42-10 in the BCS National Championship. According to coach Brian Kelly, “Nobody is watching over us,
Area Jews Celebrating Christmas Shocked Holiday is about Jesus
Many Jews are utterly confused on how to celebrate the holiday. Instead of the traditional honey-glazed ham dinner and nice family time around a warm fire, Jewish families have been sighted going out for Chinese food and airing their grievances.
The Good and The Bad: Markwell Edition
The “I Agree With Markwell” campaign has taken the Northwestern campus by storm. Here is a detailed breakdown of its pros and cons: The Good -It’s something to talk about instead of the bad weather. -If you agree hard enough you get a free indulgence. -Hipsters who are trying to be ironic and contrarian against the backlash to his campaign agree. -Nary a soul has been lost on this campaign because they asked for directions, unlike that stubborn Moses. -The
I Don’t Agree with Markwell: Fraiche Cinnamon Bombs are Delicious
Our campus exploded with debate this week over the “I agree with Markwell” campaign that was chalked across the sidewalks. While I believe that Markwell certainly has some valid points regarding theism and divinity, we must also consider that Fraiche Café’s Cinnamon Bomb cupcakes are delicious. Perhaps Jesus Christ can lead me to an afterlife of eternal happiness, but each Cinnamon Bomb leads me to spice rack nirvana when it explodes with flavorful holiness in my mouth. And He can
Jesus’ Face on Toast Turns Out to be Flesh-Eating Fungus
FRANKFORT, KY – Adam Curtis found new religious convictions Thursday when he noticed that the burn-marks on his toast formed the image of his lord and savior Jesus Christ. The “burn-marks,” however, later proved to be a new type of deadly fungus, since named Corpus devoratus. “I was scramblin’ eggs while my toast was toastin’,” said Curtis, his eyes twinkling with his recently-discovered love of God, his cheeks black and decaying with the mold that will soon cause his death.
Gothic Rock Band “The Flying Buttresses” a Soaring Success
HAMBURG, Holy Roman Empire – From the far West of Berlin to distant East Amsterdam, the entire world is up in arms over the hellfire hot new band The Flying Buttresses. With a repertoire full of popular ballads like “Hey You, Get off of My Pew,” “Us and Him,” and “I’ve Got 95 Theses but a Byzantine Ain’t One,” The Flying Buttresses are the most successful band in the Empire since The Painted Glass. The Flying Buttresses have vaulted to