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Tag Archives: Religion

Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei on War Ceasefire: “Jesus Christ Is My One True Lord and Savior”

April 22, 2026 Flippy Leave a comment

Reporting from Tehran, Iran. Although the outbreak of war between the United States and Iran seemed destined to happen since the late Ayatollah Ali Khamenei came out in support of the full release of the Epstein files, less easily predicted was President Trump’s recent reversion to the Islamic Faith by reciting the Shahada on his Truth Social account. Not to be outdone, however, the new Supreme Leader of Iran and son of Ali Khamenei, Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei, publicly announced his conversion to Christianity by proclaiming

Read more Articles, Featured, No. 432, Uncategorized, Year 19

All This Catholic Bishop Stuff is Making Me Feel Like a Pawn Again

May 9, 2025 Diego Guerrero One comment

And that’s why it pains me so to see these other bishops and princes of the church milling about at the Vatican during this time, pretending that they’re deep in prayer while in reality we know that the “conclave” is really just a great fuck fantasy, acting so holier-than-thou like Bishop Lombardo once did.

Read more Articles, Featured, Latest News, No. 409, Religion

Damn It! Kickass Sermon Rudely Interrupted by Rapture

October 21, 2021 Flippy Leave a comment

The small mayonnaise boy ascended right out of the pastor’s skillful fingertips.

Read more Articles, Featured, Nation, No. 332, Religion, Year 14

Rabbi Spotted Outside Passover Seder Taking Fat Hit of Bitter Herbs

April 22, 2019 Ben Moskow Leave a comment

According to witnesses, Kushberg called for a brief recess in the Passover seder, then grabbed a bowl of bitter herbs from the seder plate, rushed to a dimly lit area behind the temple and took a bitter herb hit of Biblical proportions.

CRU Gathers Baptists, Methodists, Presbyterians and More for Rivaling “Sect Week”

April 10, 2019 M.A. Galloway Leave a comment

“We just thought that Sect Week would be an amazing opportunity to enlighten students on the differences and similarities between the many branches of Christianity available for their perusing pleasure.”

God Denies Ever Creating Ken Ham

February 5, 2014 Brian Lee One comment

“The Bible says I said ‘let there be light,’ not ‘let there be Ken Ham,’” God wrote in a brief statement to the press.

Atheist Churches Declare Crusade to Reclaim Washington D.C.

November 21, 2013 Kirby Gong Leave a comment

“Forget the body and blood of Christ,” says atheist church-goer Bobby Anderson. “Cookies and beer are way better.” The movement, which began in the United Kingdom as something for atheists to do on Sunday mornings until restaurants opened for brunch, is now a worldwide phenomenon.

Pat Fitzgerald Declares “God is Dead” Following Iowa Loss

October 27, 2013 Alex N. Gordon Leave a comment

“There is no meaning or hope in this universe devoid of stability, sacredness, and our best two players,” said Fitzgerald. “There is only the inevitability of misplaced anticipation and false prospect colliding headfirst with the reality of despair and inevitable defeat.”

Cru Converts Student to Christianity, a First-Ever Accomplishment for the Group

October 6, 2013 Jacob Kogan Leave a comment

Even though Cru’s rate of conversion has always been 0%, Cru has never given up knocking on NU students’ doors. Their mission is to spread awareness of a religion that is already practiced by 80% of the country and that is well-understood by anyone who doesn’t live under a rock.

God Watches, Horrified, as Cru Member Turns off Another Freshman from Religion Forever

September 20, 2013 Tyler Daswick Leave a comment

God the Almighty became increasingly agitated as Tolbert entered Anthony’s dorm room, sans invitation, to begin a frank and invasive conversation about Jesus Christ.