Local South Campus Man’s Legs Too Thin, Gangly to Walk All the Way to Tech
Passersby described him as “pathetic,” and having “limbs that look like a strong breeze could either break them or just blow them off altogether.”
Category Archives: No. 332
Damn It! Kickass Sermon Rudely Interrupted by Rapture
The small mayonnaise boy ascended right out of the pastor’s skillful fingertips.
Ask Flippy: My Boyfriend Won’t Stop Screaming U Rah Rah! During Sex, How Do I Make It Stop?
“At first, I didn’t mind, since I’m tremendously committed to school spirit.”
University Answers Mental Health Pleas, Hands Out Adult Coloring Books, Gold Star Stickers
“I wouldn’t have minded more Kleenex, and maybe a little bit of Prozac, but I can’t complain.”
Morty Transfers Power to Rebecca Through Passing of Ceremonial Anti-Protester Fire Hose
After all, any NU student worth their salt knows the old adage: “more hose, more woes.”
Heartbreaking! Hot Guy in Your English Class Caught Pulling Down Mask Not Actually Hot
“Ladies, take him swimming on the first date so you can see what he looks like without a mask.”
University Rolls Out Squid Game-Style Competition to Secure Spot on CAPS Waitlist
“We’re eliminating so much more than just students,” one local administrator explains. “We’re eliminating the stigma around mental health here on campus. We’re doing real work here.”
Willard Residents Have “Night of Their Lives” After Drinking 2 Truly’s and Singing Showtunes by the Piano
Reports indicate that this party, which lasted through the night (2 AM), was more of a celebration of the theatre (“pronounced thee-ate-her, you classless hack!”), and definitely not a one-up contest of who was the better Tevye in their high school’s production of Fiddler on the Roof.
Ask Flippy: Does she like me, or did she just need the dryer empty?
Before I knew it, I had run out of cool gay fits to showcase
RA’s “Take One” Condom Box Somehow More Full 4 weeks later
“I guess I just didn’t expect my residents to be that unable to get laid.”