Desperate Theater Major Prepares Big Number for Tech Expo
“Steppenwolf, Lookingglass, and a bunch of other places did not really get on the same wave with me during my audition pieces, so I decided to try other avenues.”
Author Archives: Adam Pecena
Low-tier Consulting Firm Internship App Only Requires 5 Interviews, Sacrifice of Orphan
Students seemed really relieved that we only require five rounds of interviews, beating a certain number of other candidates in armed mud-wrestling, and a flawless performance of a blood sacrifice of an orphan.
City Council: Minimum Age to Go Unaccompanied to Bathroom Raised to 21
The council passed a new ordinance today mandating that no individual under the age of 21 within the city limits may go to a publicly accessible restroom without parental supervision.
Adorably Clueless Freshman Calls His Dorm “McCulloch”
Freshman Girl Starts Fashion Blog, Revolutionizes Journalism
Evanston Residents Miss Students, Can’t Wait for Class of 2018
Julie Barrett, 53, feels to be one of the most afflicted, which pushed her to spearhead the “Bring Me Your Stoned and Wasted,” an association of Evanstonites who are missing the smell of fresh yard-puke in the morning.
New Ukraine President, Dubbed “Chocolate King”, Will Give Factory to Nicest Boy
Smithsonian Extends Collection on Civil War-Era Racism, Purchases Cliven Bundy
Freshman’s Sentence to 30 Days in Plex Sparks Human Rights Controversy
George Davis of the newly-created Office of Creative Disciplinary Action said the university was getting a lot of pushback from peer institutions but decided to proceed regardless, as “the little shits started drinking fancier booze than I do.”
Doha, Qatar Stop Added to Intercampus Shuttle Route