Congress to Expel Representatives Wilson, Walsh, for Josephian Connections with Stalin, Kony
Author Archives: Tom Schroeder
New Black Panthers Now Blacker, Panthier
Wildcats Win NCAA Basketball Championship
Northwestern Finally Breaks Top 10 in Sporcle College Rankings
EVANSTON – The online quiz site Sporcle.com released its weekly college rankings Monday, and Northwestern University was for the first time in the Top 10. “While the number 10 is really not much different than, say, 12 or 13,” explained Northwestern President Morty Schapiro in an email to students sent at 2:00 AM, “it represents a symbolic victory in our decimal-based society. Let us celebrate our recognition as a top-tier school, where our students are able to name the US
Nation to Camera: Don’t You Dare Close-up on Angelina’s Face When She’s Showing Some Leg
Period Piece Wins Award for Best Costume Design
Students Excited for Leap Day, More Time to Study for Finals
Greece Produces More Gyros, Not Enough Euros
In a recent miscommunication, Greece sent 100,000 gyros to Germany to avoid debt default. After confusing the delicious pita wraps for the currency, the Greeks remain unashamed.
AEPi to Make Exodus
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Ahmad Bradshaw Reluctantly Scores Super-Bowl-Winning Touchdown
Bradshaw’s troubles continued at the post-Super-Bowl party, where he accidentally scored with a cheerleader.