Secure in Their Own Superiority and King Sized Beds, White People Sleep More Than Minorities
Infographic: How Will Our Childhood Heroes Be Disgraced Next?
After a Cyberattack on the New York Times, China Targets The Flipside
BEIJING — After using advanced infiltration techniques to target The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal in a “cyberattack,” the Chinese government is refocusing its aggressive Internet policy on The Northwestern Flipside. China views the insightful coverage the publication gives to Northwestern University campus life as invaluable information on the unpatriotic activities of international students. Fortunately, the Chinese plan was thwarted by the professional security provided by WordPress and no information was leaked. Other on-campus publications were also
Fighting Methodist Trips Over Own Sentence, Impaled on Cross-Shaped Sword
The Super Bowl Time Travels to the Nineties
NEW ORLEANS, LA — Between the San Francisco 49ers using Tupac’s “California Love” as their run-in music and the fact that the 49ers were actually played, Super Bowl XLVII proved it could effectively time travel to 1999. At the request of Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis, NFL officials decided to bend the laws of physics to go back in time before “the incident.” Lewis was looking for a repeat of Super Bowl XXXV, which included a MVP-winning performance and performances
Sasha Fierce Makes Surprise Guest Appearance at Super Bowl Half Time Show
Calvin Klein Commercial Ups Female Viewership of Super Bowl 527%
Ray Lewis Reveals True Identity as Transformer, Kaepernick Only 49er Survivor
NEW ORLEANS, LA — Super Bowl XLVII ended in terror when Ray Lewis transformed into a weird robot thing with laser-vision-death-Rays and wreaked havoc among the San Francisco 49ers. In the middle of the third quarter, with the Ravens down 34-7, Lewis stood up before the snap on a third-and-long, roared loudly, and revealed his true identity, Maximus Ray. According to eye-witness reports, Lewis’s helmet melded with his body, his brace for his torn triceps turned into a laser-gun, and
If Getting DWIs is Cool, Billy Madison Considers the Dallas Cowboys Miles Davis
Online Dictionary’s Pronunciation Guide Actually Quite Useless
Toledo, OH — According to eye-witness reports from the reception desk, recent attempts by Neil Vandooren to settle a bet wagered on the pronunciation of the word “homage” resulted in a stalemate when the online dictionary consulted produced inconclusive results. Vandooren, a human resource specialist at Stevenson Mechanical Incorporated, originally proposed the bet after the word in dispute was unexpectedly used in casual conversation during his lunch break. Witnesses told The Flipside that Vandooren looked up the word on freeonlinedictionary.com,