Author Archives: Flippy

Ski Trip Sign-Ups Skyrocket Following Tuesday’s Election Results

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EVANSTON — Voters in Colorado passed Amendment 64 on Nov. 6, legalizing the use of recreational marijuana throughout the state. As a result, sign-ups for Northwestern’s annual ski trip to Steamboat, Colorado have significantly increased. Local experts, like Freshman stoner Graham Baker, attempted to explain the direct correlation between signing up and weed with a nifty line graph, but got distracted by his fingers as he moved them in an upward diagonal motion. Baker told Flipside reporters, “Yeah, I was

Read more Local, No. 93

Candidates Agree To Scrap Electoral College for Dick Measuring Contest

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WASHINGTON — Despite a year of campaigning, with Election Day here, Barack Obama and Mitt Romney have decided to settle who will win the Presidency the way real men do: a cock-off. While usually a means of settling bar bets, dick measuring is not foreign to the political sphere. In fact, cock fighting was used to determine the winner in a hotly contested battle for Congress in the 19th Century, in what historians now refer to as the Cumgressional Race

Read more No. 92, Politics

New Student Declares Ridiculous Majors Just to Sound Smart

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EVANSTON — Ramon Gonzalez, a previously an undecided Weinberg freshman, has declared a triple major in Nanoscale Physics, Mathematics, and Euphonium Performance. In addition, he has declared a minor in Chinese Language and Culture and intends to pursue the Integrated Marketing Communications Certificate from Medill. According to reports, Gonzalez chose this path in order to sound more intelligent than his peers even though he most likely is not. Ramon stated, “I was tired of going to frat parties and to

Read more Local, No. 91

Student Sentiment Divided Over New College Sweatshirt Ban

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EVANSTON — Northwestern students and faculty received an emergency campus alert Tuesday from President Schapiro that stated, “As of November 1, 2012, students will no longer be permitted to wear college sweatshirts or any other apparel that displays the name of any school in the top 50 of US News & World Report’s annual college rankings, excluding Northwestern.” General student sentiment indicates a clear divide between former early decision and regular decision applicants. “ZOMG, Morty is actually a god. Like, finally

Read more Local, No. 91
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