Hipster Freshman Tries To Grow Own Beer Garden
Author Archives: Flippy
Osama Bin Laden Excited for New Pornographers
Dillo Day Canceled After B.o.B Unexpectedly Raptured
Students reacted to the news with varied degrees of disappointment and downright agony, their heathen souls already plagued by the forces of Satan prior to their destruction and eternal damnation.
NU Apologizes to Blind Students in Email
EVANSTON – A lawsuit was filed against Northwestern University last March by a group of blind students. The students claimed that the University was discriminating against blind students by using a Google email client that is not fully compatible with text-to-speech software. Last week, Northwestern administrators apologized to the blind students in an email sent out to the Students With Disabilities listserv. Below is the text of that email. from: uservices@northwestern.edu <uservices@northwestern.edu> to: SSDLIST@listserv.it.northwestern.edu <SSDLIST@listserv.it.northwestern.edu> date: Fri, Mar. 15, 2011
Due to NFL Lockout, Players Forced to Actually Learn
EVANSTON — Due to the recent NFL lockout, universities across the country are being forced to reconsider their football programs, which often allow players to attend college without ever really being challenged. Some schools have chosen to actually try to educate their players, but the more common response has been to simply send them back to middle school, where they will fit in academically. According to Bill Finkelton, the director of the University of Alabama football program, they’re going to
[SEVENTH GRADE ISSUE] OMG, Guys, You *HAVE* to Watch Schindler’s List! It Has Tits!
by xtrasooperdood GUYS! You guys! You won’t believe it! C’mon! Okay, you guys are NOT. Fuckin’. Gonna. Believe it. Last night my parents made me watch a movie with them; it was some fuckin’ black and white movie. Gay shit, amirite? Yeah, I know! But listen, this movie had more tits than you could shake your dick at – NO, DAN, I’M NOT FUCKING LYING! No, I don’t know what it was about – I was on AIM the whole
[SEVENTH GRADE ISSUE] Fab 5 Becomes Fab 4 After Susie Gets Braces
EVANSTON – The whole social order of Northshore Middle School changed dramatically the day Susie Donalds got her braces. She had apparently been keeping her impending defacement a secret, so it came as quite a shock to her former “bffeaeae” (translated from 7th grade speak, this means “best friends forever and ever and ever”), members of the “Fab 5” clique Tiffany, Brittany, Barbie and Kelly. “We just, like, didn’t know what to do,” clique leader Tiffany told us. “It was
Man Takes Girlfriend on Romantic Date to See Blue Valentine
EVANSTON, IL– With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, Romeo Smith knew he had to do something special for his new girlfriend, Rosalin Jones. “You know, it’s the beginning,” he very aptly told Flipside, “she hasn’t even slept with me yet, so I know I can’t slack yet. She’s pretty classy, so I knew I had to find something, you know, romantic to do.” He considered a big box of chocolates, but decided against it because Romeo wanted Rosalin to
Best Ways to Win GREEN CUP 2011
EVANSTON – This list of sure-to-win strategies was compiled from an old book found in the Willard basement. Don’t shower. Who cares what the kids in your classes say? And if your roommate will agree to that too, neither of you will notice the smell after a while. If you absolutely feel the need to shower, do it in another dorm. If you get someone to let you in, be sure to let the water for as long as possible.
Typo Leads to DM Being Contractually Bound to Subsidize Genital Art Defects
Ignoring My Ex Girlfriend Ignoring My Ex Girlfriend