Just earlier this year, the mad man’s antics included creating
a device that would disable all electric vehicle batteries and force commuters to overload
Danville’s poor public transport systems, brainwashing pigeons into stealing people’s jewelry
and bringing it to him, and infecting the city’s water supply with cholera.
After the Chicago Bears’ brutal overtime loss to the Los Angeles Rams ruined their chances of advancing into the playoffs, the most diehard Bears fans–many of whom have not felt joy since 1985–concocted a scheme so crazy it might just work. On Monday, January 19th, just one day after the loss, Chicago’s 6th and 16th Wards approved a plan to forcefully facilitate the release of rapper Durk Devontay Banks from prison in exchange for his service in assassinating the Rams’
Heartbroken and shocked members of the Northwestern community came together last Friday at the Rock to mourn the loss of community fixture Chicken, who was found dead last week in the middle of Sheridan Road.
My name is Joseph “Yellow Journalism” Pulitzer, and you may know me from my work in starting the Spanish-American War, or from my feud with that thieving two-bit “journalist” William Randolph Hearst. In days such as these, in between exaggerating stories to manipulate public opinion and forcing children to wear those cute little newsboy caps and shout “Extra! Extra! Read all about it!”, I find it of the utmost importance to uplift other voices–support small businesses. The world is chaotic,
Honestly, I don’t know what anything you just said is, and you can’t convince me that at least one of those wasn’t made up.
Listen close. Descartes said that thinking makes me am. If true is this… I have question.
I been thinking about what did us in. I was wrong to ask if you’d be cool getting a train run on you by me and my homies—I know that now. I’m sorry, girl. It shoulda just been me and you—head and caboose.I been thinking about what did us in. I was wrong to ask if you’d be cool getting a train run on you by me and my homies—I know that now. I’m sorry, girl. It shoulda just been me and you—head and caboose.
La Racista Chief of Police Trump D. Sucker said of the arrests, “Yeah, it was a massive breakthrough. Massive. Got them Tren de Aruba (sic.) bastards. That’ll teach ‘em to disrupt the supply chain again.”
Firstly, I’ll ask you to remember that there is no truly ethical consumption “content” and that even small creators are still participating in a system that increases the inequality/exploitation that hides this industry from oversight. It suffocates those it takes advantage of who are trying to exact change at the grander level, buried by a number of interconnected goonbait systems.
Did you hear ‘bout Myanmar, girl? 7.7, they said. It made me think of you, girl. Our love, it really shook things up.