Last Healthy Student on Campus Adopts SARS Mask to Avoid Sickness
āI didnāt think the disease would ever reach this area, but I guess this goes to show that all it takes is one carrier,ā bemoaned Kondriak.
Category Archives: Archives
Gallup Poll Shows Vicious Divide on the Definition of āHooking Upā
āI donāt think sex is necessary for a hookup,ā argued Gender and Sexuality professor Jezebel Ross. āItās got to get to third base though.ā
Columbus, Ohio changes name to Indigenous People, OH
Inhabitants of the city, now known as Indigenous Persons, are overwhelmingly in favor of the change as well.
Football Team Inspires Spontaneous Wave of Nihilism
āOur team was literally supposed to be amazing now that we beat Wisconsin. I donāt think I can handle all this disappointment.ā
The Five Stages of the Freshman Fifteen
You use defense mechanisms like rationalization and the intellectualization that NU students are famous for to convince yourself that it doesnāt matter.
OPINION: I Could Husk Corn at the Age of 3
When I was three years old, my Pa-Paw handed me a bucket of corn and told me to get to work. Iād never done this before, but three-year-old me picked it right up.
Homecoming Grand Marshal Kathryn Hahn Looks Nothing Like Ana Gasteyer
“Just not looking at their pictures you canāt tell that they arenāt completely different, with almost no recognizable similarities.”
Siege of West Fairchild Enters Second Day
“Communications and International Studies were born to be together. I vow to take charge and create a singular, united Fairchild to rule Northwestern!”
The Flipside Nominates the 2014 Homecoming Court
This unparalleled honor bestowed by the only satirical publication on campus is unique in its appreciation of the undervalued.
Lost Freshman Found, Shown Where Einsteinās Actually Is
ā[Tech] is a maze, man. I didnāt think Iād ever get out,ā he said, still squinting from daylight. āI canāt believe more people havenāt gotten lost trying to find the Einsteinās in here.ā