A Eulogy for Buffalo W. Wings
I still remember the day that Buffalo, affectionately known as B-Dubs, arrived in Evanston
Read MoreNo. 147
A Preview of Preview
It’s that time of year once again. Hundreds of t-shirts exhibiting zero graphic design skill will descend on the quad like a swarm of, well, sorority girls, or at least future ones anyway.
Prospie Wears UChicago Sweatshirt on Tour, Chaos Ensues
Weinberg senior Julia Zorn, Huff’s tour guide, was so distracted she only reminded her group that Northwestern is a “world-class institution” eight times instead of the required nine.
‘That’ Student Causes TA to Have Mental Breakdown
By week four, Justin was beginning to point out flaws in the grad student’s handwriting.
Last Healthy Student on Campus Adopts SARS Mask to Avoid Sickness
“I didn’t think the disease would ever reach this area, but I guess this goes to show that all it takes is one carrier,” bemoaned Kondriak.
Gallup Poll Shows Vicious Divide on the Definition of ‘Hooking Up’
“I don’t think sex is necessary for a hookup,” argued Gender and Sexuality professor Jezebel Ross. “It’s got to get to third base though.”
Columbus, Ohio changes name to Indigenous People, OH
Inhabitants of the city, now known as Indigenous Persons, are overwhelmingly in favor of the change as well.
Football Team Inspires Spontaneous Wave of Nihilism
“Our team was literally supposed to be amazing now that we beat Wisconsin. I don’t think I can handle all this disappointment.”