Trump Bans Nintendo Switch 2 From US Stores Under the Guise that Nintendo “is China”
“Rainbow Road? Mario, an undeniably Mexican name? Women driving? It’s ridiculous they expect our kids to play this indoctrinating, woke nonsense.”
Category Archives: Latest News
A Day in the Life Having the Memory of a Goldfish: My reeeeeef
Marty was an average fish; he worked at a travel agency and dealt plankton on the side to make ends meet. He had a wife and 1000 kids; they all played Go Fish together on Sunday evenings. His home was adorned with fancy eggs and it had these beautiful seaweed curtains on the windows. He had everything that a suburban fish could wish for — white-picket fence and all. And, much like Job, he lost everything. On that fateful day, he was attending the reef’s fishtivities, celebrating a year of being kelp-neutral.
Trump Repeals Two-Gender Executive Order After Mistaking “DogMan” For The New Third Gender: “Now That Sounds Cool.”
And while Trump vows to devote his time in office to taking away the rights of the LGBTQ+ community, Trump says he fervently supports the D (as in Dog) community.
Ask Flippy: The Doctor Said My Joints are Messed Up. How Do I Show this Clown I Roll the Best?
Dear Flippy, Last week I went to the doctor for a long-overdue checkup (I’m United Healthcare and figured they probably wouldn’t want to deny my claim). Overall, I’m in good health! My blood pressure is down to 170/100, and my doctor said my weight is in the 95th percentile for my height–which means lower than 95% of the population. How could he tell I’d been dieting? There’s just one problem: He said he was worried about my joints. Something about
Op-Ed: I Wish I Were a Woman So My Voice Could Be Less Influential
She can say absolutely anything and we will be none the wiser, because no one listens to women.
Gulf of America this, Gulf of Mexico that, what about the Massive Gulf that Exists Between us ever since I Showed you my Hyper-Realistic Doll Collection?
I really thought I could be loved for who I was, but I was a fool because if you can’t handle my hyper-realistic doll collection, you’re not ready for the real me. Because the real me needs you to be okay with the five hours I need everyday to perform a seance with my porcelain dolls made with real human hair.
Biden On Hot Mic; “I’m Ready To Join Jimmy On The Astral Plane.”
Not sure that we were meant to hear this.
Inspired by Oklahoma Bible Mandate, Trump’s Department of Education to Require DVD Copy of “Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakuel” in Every US Classroom
“Leftists have taken over our education system and are teaching our children to hate America!” a Trump administration spokesperson proclaimed to the Flipside in a recent interview. “President Trump’s top priority in education is to bring patriotism, western morality, and the word of the Lord back into the American classroom, and we’ve decided the best way to do that is with the celebrated 2009 film Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakuel.” The specific movie was chosen because it is “Perhaps
Trump to Take Over Greek Life and Rename It American Life
In a shocking new political move in reaction to the rush craze sweeping college campusesnationwide, Trump recently announced he would be renaming Greek life “American life.” In anexclusive interview with Trump, our Flipside reporter, dives deep into this new development. Flipside: So in our current political climate, with increased climate catastrophes and heightenedgeopolitical conflicts, what led you to focus on recoining Greek life “American life?” Trump: Well, we have to remember to be loyal to America and not the illegal
Op-Ed: Look How Quirky I Am, I’m Drinking From a Silly Straw and Speaking in Tongues
“I’m not like other girls” I think to myself as I sip my almond milk latte from my silly straw, listening to the least popular Lana Del Rey songs on Spotify. My laptop is adorned with quotes from shows obscure enough that people are impressed that I know about them, but not so obscure that they can’t recognize them and shower me with praise. And, if that’s not enough, I’m possessed by an ancient Babylonian demon and levitating and speaking in tongues.