[Graduation Issue] Senior Turns in Thesis Statement
“I’m so good at thesises,” said Weinberg Senior Kevin Pandolph. “But I hate writing the rest of the paper. I can’t believe you can get honors just for writing a thesis!”
Category Archives: Local
[Graduation Issue] Graduating Engineers Recruited by NASA, Theater Majors by Starbucks
“This might come as kind of a surprise, given the rigor of the Comm curriculum,” theater major Kirk Hammill told The Flipside, “but I was actually kind of worried about finding a job after graduation.”
Ski Team “Sorry We Got Caught”
“We apologize in particular for misrepresenting the nation of Bangladesh. We missed out on a veritable gold mine of Muslim stereotypes, and it will not happen again,” wrote the event coordinators.
Prospie Turns Out to be Asshole, Admission Revoked
“He insisted on going to as many frat parties as he could, and even suggested starting a Racist Beer Olympics in my dorm,” said the prospie’s overnight host, John Altman.
Most Awkward Moment in History Occurs When Student Diversity Leader Walks in on Racist Olympics
“It is simply quite astounding,” said Dr. David Howard of Harvard’s Awkward Sciences program. “The awkward blast from the sudden confrontation of a diversity leader walking in on a bunch of elitist white people making fun of everything he stands for was just over 9.75 Michaelcerawatts.”
Area Textbook Slightly Water Damaged in Spill
Pages 177-362 were damaged near the top of the book, and page 176 was splashed slightly. After drying, the textbook is expected to make a full recovery, though its pages will never lie perfectly flat again.
The Good and The Bad: Markwell Edition
The “I Agree With Markwell” campaign has taken the Northwestern campus by storm. Here is a detailed breakdown of its pros and cons: The Good -It’s something to talk about instead of the bad weather. -If you agree hard enough you get a free indulgence. -Hipsters who are trying to be ironic and contrarian against the backlash to his campaign agree. -Nary a soul has been lost on this campaign because they asked for directions, unlike that stubborn Moses. -The
Record Number of Students Apply to Tell Lies about Northwestern
Conklin hopes to tell visitors that Northwestern’s average ACT score is 35.8, 97% of graduates earn over a million dollars per year, and that famous alumni include both Joe Biden and Barack Obama.
I Don’t Agree with Markwell: Fraiche Cinnamon Bombs are Delicious
Our campus exploded with debate this week over the “I agree with Markwell” campaign that was chalked across the sidewalks. While I believe that Markwell certainly has some valid points regarding theism and divinity, we must also consider that Fraiche Café’s Cinnamon Bomb cupcakes are delicious. Perhaps Jesus Christ can lead me to an afterlife of eternal happiness, but each Cinnamon Bomb leads me to spice rack nirvana when it explodes with flavorful holiness in my mouth. And He can
Student Assigned Rhetorical Analysis of Paper Written While Drunk
EVANSTON – Northwestern English professor Shelby Anderson debuted a joint policy between the NU English Department and the Evanston Police Department last Thursday. Students who turn in essays they clearly wrote while intoxicated must now analyze their paper’s diction, syntax, structure, and tone in the context of their drinking. The first person to be affected by the policy is Weinberg sophomore Daniel O’Connor, the author of a “totally incoherent” paper on the short story “Araby” from James Joyce’s Dubliners. Anderson