If We Want to Save America, We’ll Have to Put on the Best Talent Show That This Town’s Ever Seen
RACHEL BERRY: Freezing federal funds? Pardoning rioters? Detention center in Guantanamo? Donald Trump has gone too far this time.
Category Archives: Local
Op-Ed: Look How Quirky I Am, Iām Drinking From a Silly Straw and Speaking in Tongues
āIām not like other girlsā I think to myself as I sip my almond milk latte from my silly straw, listening to the least popular Lana Del Rey songs on Spotify. My laptop is adorned with quotes from shows obscure enough that people are impressed that I know about them, but not so obscure that they canāt recognize them and shower me with praise. And, if thatās not enough, Iām possessed by an ancient Babylonian demon and levitating and speaking in tongues.
To My Teachers: Maybe Itās Good That Iām Not Using My Full Potential
Maybe Iām the only thing that stands between the world and the madness that is me.
Breaking: Theatre Kid Pretty Sure “Defying Gravity” is what an Orgasm Feels Likeļæ¼
āIād only read about it in that book about my changing body my parents gave me when I was 13,ā he told Flipside. Although he admits to doing some āonline studyingā about the subject before he came to Northwestern, he insists that was just so he could be better prepared in case the school put on a production ofĀ Cabaret.Ā
The Things I’d Do to Get a Tunnel Under This Schoolļæ¼
While the snow, accelerated by the wind, stabbed me over and over again in the eyes this week, I realized one thing: Northwestern needs a tunnel.
From The Archives: How To Get Betty-Sue To Give You A Handy-Dandy Down By Loverās Lane, 1951
Now, Iām sure you have a lot of questions that ma and pa didnāt quite answer.
Confused Frat Boy High Fives Girl After She Confesses She Has an IUD; “Right on dude I have two of them”
Ms. Penleggs reported a noticeable shift in the man’s face. He āfinally stopped looking at my tits and looked me in the eyes for once,ā then immediately dapped her up, proudly confessing, āoh hell yeah dude I got two of those myself.ā
Ask Flippy: How do I quietly warn tour-going High School students what they’re getting into?
Dear Flippington, If you havenāt noticed, itās that time of year again. All the high schoolers are lining up like lambs to the slaughter to visit our wonderful campus. But they donāt know the horrors. Those guides wonāt tell them about the last-minute dining hall crowds at 7, they wonāt tell them about the religious zealots on Sheridan that try to trick you into giving them your soul through free coffee, and they sure as hell wonāt tell them that
Heroism: Local Woman Explains Manifesting to Homeless Person
After driving five minutes from her Evanston home to Target, 26-year-old Rebecca White noticed what seemed to be an unhoused neighbor standing by the door. The woman then told the man that she could alleviate his suffering through one simple process: manifestation. āI normally would have just walked by, but today I heard one more voice than usual inside my head and it told me to talk to this unhoused man, that it could change his life,ā she said. āSo
I think I’m going to eat a squirrel. They’re looking sumptuous.
It flashes before my eyes. A streak of gray, a small chittering sound, and a set of wide eyes entice me. My mouth waters, soaks in anticipation. I must eat. The hunger consumes me, ravages my body. I am as ravenous as a skeleton waiting for its next indigestible meal. I lock eyes with the creature, my prey. It chomps on its acorn, daring me to bite. Oh squirrel, I must devour you! The sumptuous squirrels on this campus are