Medill Student Shamelessly Interviews Relatives at Grandmother’s Funeral
“Oh, by the way, do you know of any other funerals happening this weekend? I need some more sound bytes of people crying for my podcast assignment.”
Category Archives: Local
North and South Campus to March Under Same Flag at 2018 Dance Marathon
The last time the two campuses marched under the flag was while doing a lap together at the 2007 Relay for Life.
Sorority Freshman Looking Forward to Ditching Fall Quarter Friends
“I really wasn’t interested in Greek life because it’s inherently problematic and built on a history of racism and misogyny. But also like everyone signed up and I totally didn’t want to feel like a loser.”
Area Freshman Washes Laundry In Three Groups: Colors, Whites, Purple
“Sometimes while doing the wash, I’ll look in the machine and see the purples swirl; and I swear the shirts are taunting me, mocking my puny existence.”
Racist Grandpa You Had One Conversation With Over Break Still Sending You Fox News Articles
“I saw it was from my grandpa, and I knew I had made a mistake when I mentioned my gender studies class to my family over the holidays.”
Morty to Pat Fitzgerald: Please Stop Throwing My Shoes Over Telephone Wires
In addition, sources in Schapiro’s office claim that the university president asked Fitzgerald to stop giving him wet willies, Indian burns, titty twisters, and swirlies.
Fraternities Institute Honor System Where Pledges Haze Themselves
“We trust that you guys are responsible enough to spank yourselves with a paddle, so we’re not gonna check for bruises,” said fraternity president Jason Clover
Area Freshman Deeply Relates to Lost, Chubby Squirrel Frantically Seeking Hibernation Spot
Hopefully we’ll come out of this quarter stronger, huh? And more well rested.
Student Back From Study Abroad Unaware Fall Quarter Was One Quarter He Could Have Smashed Crush
“I really enjoyed my quarter abroad in London. I grew as a person and learned a lot too,” Schuster said, not knowing that on October 20, 2017, he could have made hot love to Stanton in a fleeting moment of mutual passion that can never occur again.
Freshman Braces For Long, Brutal Season of People Complaining About Winter
“Everyone here says that the complaints I’ve heard back home are nothing compared to how much people complain during a real Chicago winter.”