Opinion | Northwestern Flipside

Category Archives: Opinion

Dear Students of SESP: Please Help, Give Us Your Money

April 14, 2013 Rachel Beal Leave a comment

Having learned of the School of Education and Social Policy’s new course on the history and ethical dilemmas associated with philanthropic donations, the Northwestern Flipside would like to submit the following petition for the fund on our own behalf: Dear students currently engaged in the course “Learning Philanthropy and Engaging in the Study and Practice of Giving”— We’re sorry. We’re sorry we ever made fun of SESP. It’s just that after our twelfth straight hour on the same Quantum Mechanics

Editorial from a Prospie: “You Guys, I Totally Drink”

April 11, 2013 Caroline Picard One comment

Hey guys! Sorry, I’m little hungover from the two handles of beer I had last night. I mean, that doesn’t even compare to the time my mom bought me vodka. I had three shots! Shit got so crazy, I can’t even tell you. (Except I’m going to tell you.) So me and my bros were just chilling when my ‘rents were out to dinner, and we were getting kind of bored so I was like, “Yo, bros, let’s get schwasty.”

Read more No. 106, Opinion

Tour Group Perspectives: The Cool (Okay, Embarrassing) Dad

April 10, 2013 Rachel Beal Leave a comment

Dedicated to the world’s proudest Dad WOW. This is so cool. This is the coolest ever. My daughter is the best ever. I wonder if she’s having as much fun as I am? I wish I was standing up front with her so I could ask! (My wife made me stay in the back with her because during our tour of UCLA, I pushed three accepted engineering students out of the way so I could stand right behind the tour

Read more No. 106, Opinion

Tour Group Perspectives: The Mom Who is Cooler Than Yours

April 10, 2013 Eric Vanchieri Leave a comment

Hey everyone. Is this tour a snooze fest or what? Who cares about the number of libraries, we’re all just here to party. Am I right guys? Who am I kidding? Of course I’m right! I even let my daughter have a party last weekend because she told me she hated me! Hey Stace, how fugly is that girl’s handbag? (I call my daughter Stace because, let’s face it, you can’t call your bestie Stacey #ew.) Anyways, I heard there

Read more No. 106, Opinion

Tour Group Perspectives: The Annoyed Sibling

April 10, 2013 Caroline Picard Leave a comment

Ugh. I could totally get in here. This is dumb. I don’t even know why you would want to come to school here. Like Willie the Wildcat? Seriously? Dumb. This place is probably full of UChicago rejects. My (insert standardized state tests here) scores were in the 99th percentile. I got a letter from the Governor, the actual Governor of (insert state with said standardized test here). Northwestern would be my super safety. I’m the smart one. Mom told me.

Read more No. 106, Opinion

My Angry Feminist Roommate Is Totally Psyched about Sandra Fluke

March 11, 2013 Rachel Beal Leave a comment

By My Angry Feminist Roommate OH. EM. GEE. You guys (actually, that phrase is SO non-gender-neutral and totally misogynistic). You students, both female and male, who happen to be reading this well-informed and non-biased feature, Sandra Fluke is here. At Northwestern. OMG. She’s here RIGHT. NOW. Like I’m literally in the second row of Fisk 217 and I can see her. It’s like I’m BATHING in women’s liberation. I’m more excited than a gay stoner enjoying Denver’s most charming all-you-can-eat

The Flipside Would Like to Apologize

March 7, 2013 Andrew Schneider Leave a comment

For the first time in its storied existence, The Onion has issued an apology for its content. Many were outraged when “America’s Finest News Source” targeted 9-year-old Best Actress nominee Quvenzhané Wallis with a tasteless expletive, forcing Onion, Inc. CEO Steve Hannah to post a contrite note of regret on his site’s front page. After thorough discussion amongst The Flipside’s executive board and preferred astrologists, we have come to the decision that it is in our best interests for The

The State of the Associated Student Government Senate

February 24, 2013 Brian Lee Leave a comment

Esteemed senators, desperate wannabes. Three years ago, I attended a senate meeting. I don’t remember what the meeting was about, and I doubt anyone still remembers it. All I remember is that a lengthy argument broke out over whether a non-senator in attendance in place of an absent senator could vote in a procedural vote based on Robert’s Rules of Order.

Things We Are Giving Up for Lent

February 19, 2013 Alex Finkelstein Leave a comment

Now that Mardi Gras is over, it’s time for us to get serious and make sacrifices that will improve our spiritual well-being. With that in mind, here are some things we are giving up for Lent.

A Valentine’s Day Poem

February 14, 2013 Sam Block Leave a comment

“I fucking hate Valentine’s Day,” Said junior Peggy Ann McKay. “I have six midterms tomorrow, For DM, I must donate my marrow. My roommate is such a great bore, Dating that bro two years or more. It’s much more fun to be a whore, That’s what living in Bobb is for! They hold hands watching Netflix, They think iPhones are for self-pics. He bought her Franzia with his friend’s fake – I don’t know how much more I can take.