As news of the death of former Vice President Dick Cheney made its way to Iraq, the Weapons of Mass Destruction began to emerge from hiding after a 22-year disappearance.
President Donald Trump, calm and measured as always, announced plans to resume nuclear testing last Thursday while at a trade meeting in South Korea. Trump claimed the measure was in response to increased Russian aggression from recent (non-nuclear) missile tests and (actually nuclear) comments from Russian president Putin comparing Trump to an earwax-covered q-tip. Independent agencies have raised alarms over safety and diplomatic concerns from potential testing, but the public and the professionals are both ignoring the most dangerous part
With just one day to go until the New York City mayoral election, anticipation is running high and Ambien is running low. Regardless of what the final voting results are, there’s one final test that all candidates must pass: Are their souls pure enough for the weighing of the hearts as described in the Egyptian Book of the Dead? For non-New Yorkers unfamiliar with the process, Anubis, the jackal-headed Egyptian god of the Underworld, will weigh one’s heart against a
Listen close. Descartes said that thinking makes me am. If true is this… I have question.
In a disgusting, but also kinda hot, move, Forno Pizza has faced recent backlash amongst Northwestern students after unveiling their new slogan.
Yesterday, the EpiPen files were released, concluding an RFK Jr.-ordered investigation that determined food allergies to be the root cause of autism.
“If I ever see a star-not-on-belly Sneetch making pancakes, I’m going to be like ‘boy, I hope I don’t get food poisoning from these pancakes,’
This week, while Harvard put out a statement saying that it would not acquiesce to Trump’s demands, Northwestern took a more Victorian approach.
The good and honest American people are no stranger to so-called “experts” talking down to them on TV about how to spend their money and why their grocery bills aren’t going down. “Oh, it’s because you’re spending too much on DraftKings, no it’s because America is getting screwed over by its trade partners”. Well, America, here are some thoughts on Trump’s new tariffs from the only economic expert you need, my cat Billibob (AKA: Billi, Hobo Kitty): “mrr mrrrr meeoorrr
Everybody’s seen somebody go on a power trip before. Police officers when they pull over people, that kid that was supposed to watch over the class while the teacher went out to go use the bathroom, Joseph Stalin, just to name a few. But never before has a power trip been as dangerous as this one, never before has one rush of authority to somebody’s head been as dangerous as this. For God’s sake, somebody put Ben down, he’s drunk