 
		
		Ask Flippy: If thinking makes me am, is am I thinking because am I is?
 
					
		Listen close. Descartes said that thinking makes me am. If true is this… I have question.
 
	
		 
		
		 
					
		Listen close. Descartes said that thinking makes me am. If true is this… I have question.
 
		
		 
					
		In a disgusting, but also kinda hot, move, Forno Pizza has faced recent backlash amongst Northwestern students after unveiling their new slogan.
 
		
		 
					
		Yesterday, the EpiPen files were released, concluding an RFK Jr.-ordered investigation that determined food allergies to be the root cause of autism.
 
		
		 
					
		“If I ever see a star-not-on-belly Sneetch making pancakes, I’m going to be like ‘boy, I hope I don’t get food poisoning from these pancakes,’
 
		
		 
					
		This week, while Harvard put out a statement saying that it would not acquiesce to Trump’s demands, Northwestern took a more Victorian approach.
 
		
		 
					
		The good and honest American people are no stranger to so-called “experts” talking down to them on TV about how to spend their money and why their grocery bills aren’t going down. “Oh, it’s because you’re spending too much on DraftKings, no it’s because America is getting screwed over by its trade partners”. Well, America, here are some thoughts on Trump’s new tariffs from the only economic expert you need, my cat Billibob (AKA: Billi, Hobo Kitty): “mrr mrrrr meeoorrr
 
		
		 
					
		Everybody’s seen somebody go on a power trip before. Police officers when they pull over people, that kid that was supposed to watch over the class while the teacher went out to go use the bathroom, Joseph Stalin, just to name a few. But never before has a power trip been as dangerous as this one, never before has one rush of authority to somebody’s head been as dangerous as this. For God’s sake, somebody put Ben down, he’s drunk
 
		
		 
					
		“Rainbow Road? Mario, an undeniably Mexican name? Women driving? It’s ridiculous they expect our kids to play this indoctrinating, woke nonsense.”
 
		
		 
					
		“Leftists have taken over our education system and are teaching our children to hate America!” a Trump administration spokesperson proclaimed to the Flipside in a recent interview. “President Trump’s top priority in education is to bring patriotism, western morality, and the word of the Lord back into the American classroom, and we’ve decided the best way to do that is with the celebrated 2009 film Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakuel.” The specific movie was chosen because it is “Perhaps
 
		
		 
					
		In a shocking new political move in reaction to the rush craze sweeping college campusesnationwide, Trump recently announced he would be renaming Greek life “American life.” In anexclusive interview with Trump, our Flipside reporter, dives deep into this new development. Flipside: So in our current political climate, with increased climate catastrophes and heightenedgeopolitical conflicts, what led you to focus on recoining Greek life “American life?” Trump: Well, we have to remember to be loyal to America and not the illegal