Op-ed: Stop Looking at the Climate While it’s Changing, You Perverts!
Here’s the bottom line: if the climate is changing, you look away! Stop measuring the weather and making your graphs, and shut your eyes, for Christ’s sake!
Category Archives: Politics
Trump Apologizes for Mistreatment of Elizabeth Warren, Admits He Was Wrong
Trump’s speech has been widely regarded as a shining example of political decency and civility. Many are also applauding his masterful turn of phrase and elegant use of language in his speech.
Students Don’t Know if They Should Be More Stressed About Midterm Exams or Elections
“Young people must take time to research candidates in order to make informed decisions at the polls. But I also have a chem midterm on Wednesday and know nothing.”
“‘Perjury’ Is the Name of a Drinking Game,” Explains Kavanaugh
In an interview with ABC News today, Justice Brett Kavanaugh explained that the “Perjury” mentioned in his high school yearbook is a drinking game and not a felony.
Sex Offenders to Be Reintroduced to Community through Political Office
“Cosigners allayed concerns of molesters worldwide and sent the message that they would under no circumstances be held accountable for their actions.”
Exclusive: ASG President-Elect Accepted $13.35 in Bribes During Term as Academics VP
A formal report filed by an anonymous whistleblower to the ASG Election Commission alleges that Jason Guo, Junior Undersecretary to the Vice Admiral of Academics, delivered an Edzo’s double-griddle burger and strawberry milkshake to Patterson and never received reimbursement.
Model UN Report: Russian Federation Gets First-Ever Handjob from Mexico
“Neither the size of Powell’s dick in particular nor the horniness of the Eastern Bloc ambassadors more generally should take away from our efforts to provide security and prosperity to the world,” the high school senior said.
J.B. Pritzker Caught Using Campaign Funds for Jowl Reduction Surgery
“It was all done to help the campaign. Seriously, why don’t you try giving a speech with two plastic bags hanging off the sides of your face?”
Magician Who Pulled Quarter From Trump’s Ear Named New Treasury Secretary
“Given Duke’s ability to generate money from ears, combine two rings into one, and materialize rabbits from his hat, he is overqualified for the position.”
White Allies Second-Guessing Decision to Dress Up for MLK Day
Mertütis and Blomquist originally drew high praise from other white allies for being so progressive as to have a woman portray Martin Luther King.