Op-Ed: If There Are 300 Million Fraudulent Voters, Why Will None of Them Date Me?
“I don’t cry, but if I did, I would shed one manly tear into my MyPillow pillow.”
Category Archives: Year 14
Euphoria Season 2 Drops: “Honestly We Just Had a Lot of Rhinestones Left Over that were Going to Go to Waste”
“You haven’t seen that much color and sparkle since your childhood best friend vomited Superman ice cream all over the inside of a Claire’s.”
Op-Ed: Wait, My LinkedIn Job Post Was Self-Congratulatory?
Deep down, I know I earned this internship by trading massive amounts of my inheritance on Robinhood every day.
“Omi-Cron Kenobi” officially least favorite character in Star Wars/CDC multiverse
Reports from test audiences found Kanobi to “get under people’s skin”.
Freshman with broken leg really making the walk down Sheridan all about them and their crutches, huh?
I mean, he must be in pain, after all…even if the wincing and hobbling theatrics are for sure a liiiiiittle much.
Op-Ed: Just Asked My Landlord to Increase My Rent. That’s How Much I Believe in My Grind
Each month, I will use my superb shut-up-and-grind capabilities to find different means of making up the extra rent. By July, I will have acquired thousands of new skills and g-g-g-g-god-like entrepreneurial savvy, the likes of which no Kellogg professor has ever encountered.
Michael BublĂ© to drop ten-minute version of “Santa Baby”
Bublé bares all with fans, expressing wishes like “a multi-seasonal career”.
Ask Flippy (Film Guy Perspective): What??? You HAVEN’T SEEN The Dark Knight??? Okay Hahaa We Toootally Have to Watch it Sometime
Um anyway I was just thinking about The Dark Knight. It’s such a classic and Gary Oldman is so sexy
Former Willie The Wildcat Student Mascot Reflects On Days In The Fur: ‘The Tail Plug Always Started To Chafe By Halftime’
“Turns out a Wildcat win can bring extreme pleasure in more ways than one,” Nal reflected.
Prospective Off-Campus Residents Alarmed to see White Male Mediocrity Also Applies to Landlords
“Having high expectations only to realize that I’ve just found yet another guy with commitment issues and an inability to fix basic problems? That’s what I expect from my boyfriends, not the man I pay $1,000 monthly.”