AP Calls Illinois for Clinton Before Polls Even Open
“It’s the AP’s journalistic duty to report news when it happens or when we make it.”
Tag Archives: Illinois
New Stickers Greatly Decrease Student-Carried Firearms
“Now that I can’t bring my gun to class with me any more, I have to settle for my katana to protect myself from the rampant crime on campus.”
Northwestern University Wins Hearts and Minds of Illinois
“The annual game between Northwestern University and the University of Illinois is one of the greatest traditions in the whole state,” said Emma Martinez, Emeritus Professor of Illinois Studies at the University of Notre Dame.
I Still Can’t Believe You Never Found Those Emails
By Richard M. Daley, Former Mayor of Chicago First, I need to thank the journalists. Your utter complacency and lack of fortitude has allowed me to complete my 22-year tenure without a single earth-shattering revelation of absolute corruption or depravity that could have marred this otherwise immaculate career. I mean, fuck, people! This is Illinois! This is Chicago! I bought out the last honest politician twenty years ago! Yeah, that’s right, I’ve been skimming funds since day one, but you’re
Blagojevich Sells NU Kicker’s Foot to Mizzou
SAN ANTONIO, TX—Northwestern’s loss to Missouri in the Alamo Bowl has brought about criticism of the team’s kicker. After failing to kick a field goal and extra point, Mizzou was able to bring the game to overtime. Northwestern failed to match Mizzou’s touchdown, which gave NU its sixth straight bowl loss. There are some, however, who are not willing to blame only the NU kicker. Several Illinois politicians have accused Governor Rod Blagojevich of influencing Northwestern’s loss. Illinois State Representative