The Things I’d Do to Get a Tunnel Under This School
While the snow, accelerated by the wind, stabbed me over and over again in the eyes this week, I realized one thing: Northwestern needs a tunnel.
Tag Archives: michael schill
From The Future: University President Finally Emerges From Deep Freezer After Ill-Fated Chill With Schill Event
Schill rejoins a modern faculty comprised primarily of AI lecturers, sentient Lakefill geese and tenure-track professors kept alive on a combination of virgin blood and spite.
Breaking: Leaked Pictures Reveal New “Ryan Field” To Be Hunger Games Style Arena Where One Lucky Student On The Waitlist Will “Earn Their Spot”
In response to Northwestern’s historically low acceptance rate this year, the administration has taken drastic measures regarding how they will hand out the coveted, and now very minimal, class of 2026 spots to those on the waitlist.
Northwestern Administration Temporarily Suspends Community Bonding Activities After “Netflix and Schill” Backlash
“We begged him to leave. We pounded on the doors and shouted. But he just kept smiling. He constantly told us to quiet down because ‘this episode has a musical number.’