Freshman Can’t Find Any Brothels, Asks “Where Dem Hoes At?”
EU Votes Against Bailing Greece Out of Jail
THE HAGUE, NETHERLANDS – The International Criminal Court today announced that it would continue holding Greece in prison indefinitely as it was unable to find a country willing to pay the $532 billion necessary to make bond. Greece, awaiting trial for numerous crimes including kidnapping and false imprisonment of a Lacoste mannequin, assault and battery of an Albanian Gypsy, and grand larceny of a dozen Nair products from an Athens CVS, refused to comment through its lawyer. “It is tragic
Anthro Major Studies Northwestern Students Studying
EVANSTON – Weinberg senior Allison Dinker has discovered that Northwestern students are a “disgusting and lazy breed of humans.” The anthropology major is currently writing her dissertation on a culture never before studied academically, NU students. She is conducting her research at the Northwestern University Library. Dinker began her research last Spring, when she was studying for finals at the library. “I noticed that someone had etched some strange glyphs that spelled ‘ORGO SUX DIX’ into the desk in Study
Microsoft “very excited” about the coming business year
Moneyball finishes well at box office after being renamed Moneyshot
Chris Christie Decides Not to Go For a Run
Student Body to Chet Haze: Stop Making it Rain
Medill Innocence Project on Dean Lavine’s Sudden Resignation: HAHA
Qaddafi Escapes Discovery by Wearing Normal Clothing
TRIPOLI – In a bold choice of evasive strategy, former Libyan dictator Muammar Qaddafi has opted to dress in normal attire in order to hide from Libyan rebels. Typically known for his bold, outlandish outfits, Qaddafi has come to the real viagra generic ization that one possible way to avoid recognition is to remove all searingly bright, leopard-print and fur-trimmed outfits from his choice of attire. In an official statement released from the Qaddafi camp, the fleeing dictator asserted, “I’ve
Number Low, Man Sad