In a revelation that has scandalized American evangelicals and other communities suffering from elevated rates of neurosis, Jesus Christ announced in a Xweet that the long-awaited Second Coming indeed took place midday Tuesday.
Other mashups have been even less successful, including “Anything but Clothes but Also Business Casual” when three pledges simply stapled ties to their balls.
With a Big Mac in one hand, and a concept of a plan in the other, the President got to work
“What happened to the first monkey jumping on the bed, while tragic, is in no way indicative of any wider trend. As long as we avoid his recklessness and stay away from the edge of the bed, I see no way that we can suffer a similar fate.” That quote was from Allen, the second monkey jumping on the bed, after his good friend, Sam, another monkey, had fallen off and bumped his head. Sam was diagnosed with a second-degree
Yesterday, the EpiPen files were released, concluding an RFK Jr.-ordered investigation that determined food allergies to be the root cause of autism.
A Northwestern student woke up on September 23rd expecting to find a dinosaur in her dorm room, ready to end her time on the mortal plane.
“If I ever see a star-not-on-belly Sneetch making pancakes, I’m going to be like ‘boy, I hope I don’t get food poisoning from these pancakes,’
Dearest Flippy, It was clear since I got my first pair of cargo pants that cargo beep beep–possibly even vroom vroom, depending on the engine. Traingo pants, naturally, go choo choo. It should be noted, however, that choo choo is only a part of the traingo pants. Traingo pants also chugga chugga, which often precedes the aforementioned choo choo. Boatpants, however, remain a trickier quandary to wrestle with. Boat does not go vroom or choo. Although I should note the
I assumed Northwestern had always been situated between the lands of northern Chicago and the Great Concrete Basin, so I was surprised to learn about this history.
For every Wednesdayth eve, during the gathering of the Northvvestern Flipsyde under the pale moonlight, the managing bard hath woven a new tale of song and script to entertain the Flippays in their minstrel ways. To the great shock and dismay of all in attendance of this gathering this week, the newly risen managing bard hath not prepar’d a new enchanting ballad. “Every tuesdayth I go to rest in my liege’s domain, support’d by the great joy and excitement of