Mayfest Leaks Battle of the DJs Announcement: It’s Smash Mouth!
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Illini Dub Wildside Members Heroes for Cancelling World of Beer Event
EVANSTON — After a heavy uproar by Northwestern community and subsequent cancellation of University of Illinois’ alumni event at the Evanston World of Beer, originally scheduled for Wednesday, May 8, one would expect the Illini to be less than pleased. However, the Illini are hailing Wildside members, who rallied students together in protest of the Northwestern rival’s near-campus event, as heroes. John White, a member of the Illinois class of 2000 and a current resident of Peoria, said, “I wasn’t
Japan Responds to North Korea’s Threats of Nuclear Radiation: “Too Late”
A&O Sponsored Geographer Concert Disappoints Geography Majors
EVANSTON — Last Sunday A&O hosted a Dance Marathon benefit concert featuring the San Francisco band Geographer. The concert was held out on the Norris East Lawn and was well attended, though the crowd was a departure from the indie band’s usual fan base. Geographer’s manager described the band’s average fan as “a young blond girl with a California tan, usually wearing some combination of swimwear and clothes that I can only assume she stole out of her grandmother’s closet.”
High School Student Arrested, Deported, then Arrested Again
MIAMI, FL — Failing to learn from the example of Kiera Wilmot in Bartow, FL, a Miami student, 16-year-old Gabriella Silva, arrived at Vargas High School this past Tuesday with a water bottle filled with a mixture of household cleaning products, capped with aluminum foil. A reaction between the chemicals in the cleaners and the aluminum foil produced hydrogen gas and a resulting pressure build-up inside of the bottle. Eventually the top popped off in a firecracker-like explosion with a
1995 Self Super Bummed about AOL Music Shutting Down
PRESS RELEASE: Plan B for Kids is the Perfect Companion to an Abstinence-Only Sexual Education
TEVA PHARMACEUTICALS — New legislation will soon enable women above the age of 15 to purchase Plan B One-Step® emergency contraceptive without parental consent. This is an exciting time for Teva Pharmaceuticals shareholders, and the company is proud to announce that it has been awarded an exclusive patent for production and sale of a new once-a-day contraceptive: “Plan B for Kids.” These chewable daily vitamins, an essential part of any balanced breakfast, deliver a clinical dosage of levonorgestrel in teenager-approved
Christian Moms: “Plan B? How About Plan Bay-B?”
The Fraternity Man’s Guide to Derby Day Success
Though a cornerstone of American equine tradition, the Kentucky Derby can prove a stressful experience for horse owners and spectators alike, wrought with high social standards for etiquette, dress code, and cocktail consumption. To prepare brothers and other students planning on a trip to Churchill Downs, several NU fraternities teamed up with campus organizations including the Equestrian Club, Future Oil Billionaires of America, and the Daughters and Sons of the Confederacy to host a pre-Derby spirit week featuring daily mini-courses
President Obama a Huge Success at Correspondents’ Dinner With Jokes He Totally Wrote Himself