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Spin̈al Tap Unveils New 11G Network

LONDON – Legendary 1980’s rock outfit Spin̈al Tap announced plans Thursday for the release of their own 11G wireless network to rival the current 4G technology operated by carriers such as Verizon, AT&T, and T-Mobile. “These other blokes are doing, you know, 3 or 4G, but we thought
why not eleven?” explained lead guitarist Nigel Tufnel, who found inspiration from his guitar amp’s volume range – which also extends fully up to 11. Technology analysts confirm that Tap’s surprise expansion into

FAA Mandates Sippy Cups on Flights

WASHINGTON—In response to the false hijacking alarm triggered by a cup of spilled coffee last week, the FAA issued a statement Monday mandating that pilots use sippy cups on all domestic and international flights. “Drinking out of big-boy cups is a privilege, not a right,” commented FAA Administrator, Randy Babbitt. “When our pilots show they have grown up, they can have that privilege back.” Babbitt also announced today that the FAA would be issuing Mickey Mouse and Big Bird cups

2011: Where are the flying cars?

By Dermot Dinklewax Hello, my fellow male and female humanoid creatures. I think it’s time we faced some uncomfortable facts. We were lied to. It is AD 2011 – a year that should only be written in Futura Bold – and yet our automobile transportation remains squarely on the ground. COME ON, guys. It’s the future. Let’s get on that. I want to be chillin’ like Bruce Willis in The 5th Element within the next year, or I’m leaving. I’ll

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