Ukulele Club Ends in Satanic Chorus to Jason Mraz
The Ukulele Club has been at the center of controversy beyond the mysterious disappearances of small animals during renditions of “Lucky.”
Category Archives: Archives
Report: Each of the 40 Librarians in Main Library Thinks They’re the Head Librarian
“I wish I could just go up to someone and ask, ‘Who is the head librarian?’ But I’m not allowed to talk or ask any questions, because it’s a library and I have to be absolutely silent.”
Origami Club Folds After First Meeting
It is possible the club may never get the chance to stretch its wings, but instead have them be kind of crumpled and uneven. A few days ago, NU Paper Airplane club lodged a formal complaint with ASG, citing their exclusive monopoly on all organized paper-based folding activities.
New À-La-Carte Major Lets Students Pick R, TV, or F
“I’m glad they finally realized I don’t need radio in my DNA, or at all, ever, in any context.”
Bait Unicycle Not as Effective as Hoped
“After pumping hundreds of thousands of dollars into the Bait Unicycle program, it remains to be proven that it has caught one person trying to steal a dweeb-mobile.”
Op-Ed: Mowing Your Parents’ Lawn Will Build More Character Than an Internship
Are you aware of how hot the tech and engineering industry is these days? I’m going to be working with an ancient, gasoline-guzzling, rusty push mower that my parents have refused to replace since the early 2000s.
Bird With Mohawk in Sorority Quad Means It’s Probably Spring Now
“When I first saw the bird, I was like ‘Oh, okay, I guess spring’s here,’” said Jason Kang, WCAS ’21.
Cover Letter Offers Terrifying Glimpse into Man’s Self-Image
“I genuinely believed he was asking me to proofread a short horror story for a good 30 minutes,” said Career Advisor Kerry Phillips.
“Yeah? Well I Have Seventeen Midterms Tomorrow,” Boasts Local Jerk
Rumors suggest that Chesterton may be the elusive and mythical obnoxicus doucheium, or “busiest student.”
Man Spends 30 Hours Reading Old Marvel Comics in Preparation to Criticize Infinity War
In preparation for the event, Johnson has read the entirety of the Infinity War series, the origin stories of every major character in the movie, and other Marvel comics relating to superhero teams ranging from the Fantastic Four to the Defenders.