Student Asks Italian Professor for Extension on Day of Daughter’s Wedding
“It’s bad luck for a Sicilian to refuse any request on his daughter’s wedding day.”
Category Archives: No. 248
Stats Major Argues Gambling Problem Not Statistically Significant
“He just kept saying ‘the p-value is above 5%, we just don’t have enough evidence to reject the null.’”
Ukulele Club Ends in Satanic Chorus to Jason Mraz
The Ukulele Club has been at the center of controversy beyond the mysterious disappearances of small animals during renditions of “Lucky.”
Report: Each of the 40 Librarians in Main Library Thinks They’re the Head Librarian
“I wish I could just go up to someone and ask, ‘Who is the head librarian?’ But I’m not allowed to talk or ask any questions, because it’s a library and I have to be absolutely silent.”
Origami Club Folds After First Meeting
It is possible the club may never get the chance to stretch its wings, but instead have them be kind of crumpled and uneven. A few days ago, NU Paper Airplane club lodged a formal complaint with ASG, citing their exclusive monopoly on all organized paper-based folding activities.
New À-La-Carte Major Lets Students Pick R, TV, or F
“I’m glad they finally realized I don’t need radio in my DNA, or at all, ever, in any context.”
Bait Unicycle Not as Effective as Hoped
“After pumping hundreds of thousands of dollars into the Bait Unicycle program, it remains to be proven that it has caught one person trying to steal a dweeb-mobile.”
Bird With Mohawk in Sorority Quad Means It’s Probably Spring Now
“When I first saw the bird, I was like ‘Oh, okay, I guess spring’s here,’” said Jason Kang, WCAS ’21.
Cover Letter Offers Terrifying Glimpse into Man’s Self-Image
“I genuinely believed he was asking me to proofread a short horror story for a good 30 minutes,” said Career Advisor Kerry Phillips.
“Yeah? Well I Have Seventeen Midterms Tomorrow,” Boasts Local Jerk
Rumors suggest that Chesterton may be the elusive and mythical obnoxicus doucheium, or “busiest student.”