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After failing to receive an Academy Award for Best Director nomination for his sci-fi film Inception this year and his superhero movie The Dark Knight in 2008, director Christopher Nolan announced today that he plans to plant the idea of a nomination in the head of each Academy member via the inception technique. âI specialize in a very specific kind of vote rigging.â explained Nolan, âSubconscious vote rigging.â Nolan laid out his detailed plan to The Flipside. âI plan on
DOHA, QATAR – Students at Northwestern University in Qatar have been up in arms over the cityâs claims that they will be stepping up enforcement of the infamous harem law. The harem law, which been on the books since the days of the sultans, prohibits a man from living with more than three wives in any building not specifically zoned to be a harem. Enforcement of the law has been lax, but due to a huge population boom in Doha,
EVANSTON —Â Willard residents have decided to take drastic measures in order to retain their title as the “Greenest Dorm (With a Dining Hall) on Campus” from the Green Cup last year. Most notably, all Willardites will forgo showers for the entire month of February to win the prestigious title in 2011. “Not showering for a whole month is really going to help secure our victory,” said Willard president Jackson Drapple. “Not to mention that it’s been proven that not taking
This article was conceived by Nick Platoff, Bienen 2014 TOKYO — Following the anticipated success of PokĂ©mon Black and White, Nintendo revealed that the sixth generation of the popular video game will have the âcolorsâ of Sunni and Shi’ite. Satoshi Tajiri, creator of the PokĂ©mon franchise, told the Flipside, âThe most recent PokĂ©mon games â Pearl and Diamond, Black and White â have been called âlameâ and âboring.â We clearly needed to make the next generation more exciting. Infusing the
EVANSTON — Evanston officials announced earlier today that an outdated law banning skipping anywhere in the city will be reinstated starting next month. “Anyone found moving in a light, springy manner by bounding forward with alternate hops on each foot will be arrested,” said Jerry Murton, Evanston’s Division Manager of Building and Inspection Services, at a press conference. “Whether the perpetrator is seen skipping in a store, on the street or in their own home, whether they are 6 years old or
TRIBAL PAKISTAN â Authorities recently revealed that a would-be Russian suicide bomberâs vest detonated prematurely in the outskirts of Moscow. The terrorist, who was scheduled to attack Red Square, was killed in her safe house after receiving an automated âHappy New Yearâ text from her wireless provider. In the following days, Al-Qaeda has launched a new PSA aimed at keeping their bombersâ phones where they belong: strapped to cases of PETN and ball-bearings. The new campaign, spearheaded by New York
âI don’t get it. The âDonât Sendâ option has always been the default. The damned thing is already highlighted to draw the userâs attention.â
EVANSTON – Keeping with the historically progressive nature of the Evanston government, the police department issued a new technique to limit public unrest: the brothel-lizer. The brothel-lizer is an oblong white tube inserted anally to check for brothel residue. âI might not be a proctologist,â said deputy chief Victor Rudo, âbut working at the police department has given me plenty of experience fucking kids up the ass.â âMetaphorically,â he added. Evanston officials are considering the addition of a volunteer brothel-lizing