La Racista Chief of Police Trump D. Sucker said of the arrests, “Yeah, it was a massive breakthrough. Massive. Got them Tren de Aruba (sic.) bastards. That’ll teach ‘em to disrupt the supply chain again.”
Just the other day, during my 4th out of 6 hours of daily scrolling on twitter I mean X, I saw a troubling video I had not seen in a hot second. It was that video of that fuckass robot arm trying to scoop up a bunch of red goop and failing MISERABLY. I would do way, way better. I thought we invented robots to be good at completing tasks. Take for example, the robots you see when you’re watching
As you, my dear readers, would know, for those performances my father would’ve shown me ye ol’ belt. However, for that last frisbee game, he would’ve hugged me and that would’ve fixed me.
Ance had done everything right. He was a top student, president of his frat, secret Trump voter, and LinkedIn Premium user. So where did everything go wrong? He couldn’t figure it out; all he could do was cry.
And that’s why it pains me so to see these other bishops and princes of the church milling about at the Vatican during this time, pretending that they’re deep in prayer while in reality we know that the “conclave” is really just a great fuck fantasy, acting so holier-than-thou like Bishop Lombardo once did.
Dear Flippy, So I recently got arrested for something. Don’t ask me what. Anyways, while I was sitting in the clink, I thought, you know, now would be a great time to reread my pocket Constitution, primarily because I was bored but also because there is a very real possibility I could go to prison. Anyways, when I pulled that Constitution out of my pocket, I saw something that made me think of you, my sweet, sweet bear friend: the
But then she went on Instagram reels and was emotionally healed.
In all my four weeks of hardcore, intensive, extensive, rough-and-rowdy intramural frisbee, I’ve never seen a game like the one we put on last week. Now, yes, I know that this team isn’t exactly the 2012 San Francisco Giants, but goddammit that performance we put on could make an angel want to jump of a bridge.
Before the headless horseman got his start scaring folks of all ages with his iconic jack-o-lantern head, he actually went through a—surprisingly rough—experimental phase to see what produce would work best. Here are 5 of our favorites!
Like the other 150,000,000 people who voted for him, I’m happy with how Yeezy is running this country. Our economy and military have become harder, better, faster, and stronger in responding to foreign aggression. The brilliant financial strategies of the new Fed Chair Pusha T have stopped inflation and reduced the pre-existing economic conditions that created the infamous Gold Diggers. However, I can’t ignore the Pablo Bill which has given us a new national anthem–his 2016 hit song, “Father Stretch