“White Male Discussion Section Confidence,” better known on the street as “the devil’s advocate,” surfaced on Northwestern’s campus right around midterm season and has spread like wildfire.
“I’m already on Adderall because I have ADHD,” said animator Ryan Fogel, “But I started crushing and snorting it, and oh my GOD it’s so much better!”
Students interviewed overwhelmingly agreed that that using the hash tag “MeetMeAtNorris” allows them to maximize their illegal activity during ten minute passing periods.
“I think I blacked out somewhere around my sixth Tequila Sunrise, and by the time I whited back in, I was sitting in a classroom inside this really gothic-looking building. All the students around me looked dead inside. I later found out I was in a Particle Physics class at UChicago.”
“We also have engines that rev,” says DangerRide driver Dominic Torretto. “Priuses are for pussies.”
“Due to the drastic levels of Flappy Bird being played on this campus, I’m instituting threat level DEFCON 0.003. In other words, this is the most serious threat to our Northwestern community since classes were held during the polar vortex.”
Library Director Penny Biblia recently announced that the library will no longer be loaning out certain items. The Flipside investigated the items to which students will no longer have complimentary access, and the reasons for the discontinuation of these materials.
