When the Gophers began to score, the article, along with Olsen’s mental state, took a turn for the worse. Close friends witnessed Olsen banging on her keyboard furiously, shouting various slurs against Minnesotans and gophers.
ST. PAUL, MN — Fulfilling the prophecies of evangelical Christians nation-wide, the state of Minnesota has come down with a case of same-sex marriage after failing to keep its distance from infected state Iowa. The contagious legislation was signed into law Monday and the hellfire-summoning nuptials will begin in August. State Representative Chip Cravaack says he “totally called” the transformation of the state’s legislative orientation: “I knew when Minnesota started hanging out with the abnormal, deviant states, it would catch
DES MOINES — After receiving only 6 votes in the Iowa Caucus, lizard people said they will return to the marshes to reassess their candidacy. The decision was revealed in a speech delivered to the reptilians’ supporters who gathered in the campaign’s headquarter in Des Moines. “Hissss… Shsssh shhh hisss hssssss…. I’m sorry, there must be some technical difficulties here.” said one of the lizard people while adjusting the microphone. “It’s hard to say that we’re not disappointed by the
DES MOINES – Last Tuesday, Iowans gathered in gyms, homes, and other buildings across the state to discuss who their favorite old white guys were. Herds of people thronged in and around buildings. They stood around and talked for a while. Some people waved signs with pretty decorations. There was a lot of shouting. Then they wrote a name on a piece of paper and left. This name was the name of their favorite old white guy. The old white
FAIRFIELD, IA—Despite her lack of travel experience outside the tri-state area and her inability to remember the word “Muslim” unless prompted, 78-year-old Iowan Terese Norris has risen to become an authority on the inner-workings of the terrorist network Al-Qaeda. Norris’s counter-insurgency expertise was highlighted when she detailed the terrorist’s day-to-day logistical operations to her family as they sat around the Christmas table. Norris also notified family members that their small town of Fairfield was quietly nested in the middle of