Author Archives: Flippy

Lesbians deemed “Man’s New Best Friend”

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EVANSTON—Anyone who has spent a significant portion of time around the fairer sex will have surely heard a woman express a desire to have a gay best friend. Women and girls around the world claim they would love to have a gay pal to discuss fashion, provide emotional support, and just generally feel comfortable around, and in recent years the “GBFF” has become a rather trendy fad. In the past, men have expressed discomfort about these friendships, some fearing being

Read more Local, No. 45

Grandmother Found in Wrong Elder Residential Community

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EVANSTON—To the delight of her family, missing senior citizen Winifred Leibowitz reappeared on Wednesday when she wandered into the lobby of Elder Residential Community. She was not let back up into the dorm rooms because she did not have a valid Wildcard. Mrs. Leibowitz says she mistook Elder Residential Community, the newly renovated North Campus dormitory, for the assisted living community her children had suggested she make her new residence. “I just saw all the darling children and assumed they

Read more Local, No. 44

Stefan Demos: A Biography

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EVANSTON—As your resident sports-illiterate — or perhaps, more lovingly, the new “area sports girlfriend” — I find that the task has fallen on me to ask you all a question that has been weighing heavily on my mind due to recent articles in both our wonderful Flipside and other, lesser Northwestern newspapers alike: who the hell is Demos? His name, along with a rather unflattering action shot (seriously, why are all sports photos so unflattering?), appeared in the headline of

Read more No. 42, Opinion

A New Way for Girls to “Fake It”

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EVANSTON—In high school, a hickey was a mark of shame to be covered up discreetly with pounds of makeup or a well-placed scarf. In college, many young women are finding that the only way to get a guy is if he thinks you already have gotten plenty beforehand. This shift has been a phenomenon which sociologists and playboy photographers alike have been busy investigating in great depth. “Nobody wants to be a girl’s first anymore,” said senior A.J. Thomson. “That

Read more Entertainment, Local, No. 41

Marathon Junkie ODs On “Runner’s High”

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CHICAGO—Celebrations at Sunday’s Bank of America Chicago Marathon came to a crashing halt when one of the participants suffered from a runner’s high overdose. Thomas Peters, 36, collapsed when his muscles ceased to function just before the twentieth mile marker. He was promptly carted off to Rush Medical Center, where he was treated and is currently in stable condition. Peters, a self-proclaimed “marathon junkie,” has run in over 300 marathons during his lifetime, including 40 races in the last twelve

Read more No. 41, Sports

New Version of Auto-Tune Allows Male Pop Stars to Sound Like They Have Testicles

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SCOTTS VALLEY, CA—Antares Audio Technologies, publisher of the massively popular Auto-Tune music software, has announced a collection of major upgrades that will finally allow singers like Justin Bieber and the Jonas Brothers to sound like they have testicles. The new software uses specialized algorithms to boost the lower frequencies of a singer’s voice, and ensures that talentless pop stars and boy bands can at least retain a miniscule portion of their masculinity. Auto-Tune’s creator, Dr. Andy Hildebrand, has held a

Read more Entertainment, No. 41

NU Student on Innuendo Overuse – “Stop shoving it down my throat”

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EVANSTON—According to at least one Northwestern student, what you say is no longer what you mean. On a modern college campus, its seems that anything one says — no matter the topic, will be taken to be sexual in nature. Any statement, sentence, or phrase is assumed, at least by the more perverted members of the student body, to be referring to the act of making love and private parts. Thankfully, some students are just not going to take it

Read more Local, No. 40
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