“The statue outside Patten Gym is hot,” says area woman whose vibrator has earned a first and last name
Let it be known that The Flipside is vocally For-Fapping.
Author Archives: John Jameson
I’m Watching, I’m Learning, I’m Listening: My Thoughts on Cock Fighting
I learned about how cock fighters are often mistreated due to their profession, and are called hateful names like “abuser” or “clucker fuckers.
Director Christopher Nolan Releases 5th Chinese Spy Balloon in Order to Create a World War III Film Without CGI
Nolan said that the new movie will, “be 3 hours long, feature Cillian Murphy, and require 6 rewatches just to grasp the plot.”Â
Trojan Releases New Aphrodisiac: “You’re Both the Same Age in an Airport”
This November, prepare your minds and loins for Trojan Airport: the only aphrodisiac that simulates the untapped sexual desire of seeing a person the same age as you at an airport.
Op-Ed: True Dream Fans Would’ve Seen His Face Reveal During the Capitol Riots
On January 6th, he had a chance to show off his gaming skills as he speedran right through the Capitol gates and clutched the 1v1 against the Capitol police.
I Was Born in the Wrong Generation Says Area Man with Pronounced Browline and Penchant for Hunting Mammoths
“Kids today, only want iPhone and hot chip. No appreciation for flint knapping or nomadic lifestyle,” said Stonespear while eying my processed food nervously.
“It Wasn’t Anti-Semitism,” Says Organization Responsible for MLK Assassination
“Trust us, no one knows how to terrorize minorities like us. If this was a hate crime, we would be the first to know.”
Op-Ed: Unless they can touch his prostate, do NOT market your presents as “Gifts For Him”
If you want to see a man’s face light up, get him something that will leave his legs shaking and booty aching.Â
Morty Transfers Power to Rebecca Through Passing of Ceremonial Anti-Protester Fire Hose
After all, any NU student worth their salt knows the old adage: “more hose, more woes.”
Op-Ed: South Campus Men Dress Like a Genie That Comes Out of a Kombucha Bottle
After hunting the sounds of moccasins and fur-lined jean jackets for all of 3 minutes, I found myself standing in what can only be described as a Tame Impala tailgate.