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Construction Begins To Convert Tech Into Ski Slope

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EVANSTON – University president Morton Schapiro has revealed plans to build a gigantic indoor ski slope on the property currently occupied by the engineering school building.  Known to students as “Tech,” the multi-billion-dollar facilities that make up the complex will be replaced by a snowy mountain resort for the students’ leisure.  According to Schapiro, landscaping crews will make room for the winter-themed amusement park by relocating the Robert R. McCormick School for Engineering, the Ford Design Center, and the Northwestern

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Brothel Rule to Have Little Effect on Actual Brothels

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Senior Brothel Patron Rob Von Dud II In a recent legal brouhaha, the City of Evanston decided to begin enforcing an arcane “brothel law,” with Northwestern declining to contest the law and instead just taking it without complaint. The students, on the other hand, are far from satisfied, and have decided not to take it lying down. The law, which makes it illegal for more than three unrelated people to live together, will significantly increase rates as students race to

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