Scheming Eunuch Ben Auby Has NOTHING To Do With Ominous Fog Descending Over EvanstonÂ
I mean, come on, it says âScheming Eunuch, weather sorcererâ on his driverâs license.
Category Archives: Articles
Op-Ed: Boeing 747? More Like, More Like Boing Boing Boing Boing Boing Boing Boing (740 More Times)
Hear ye, hear ye, all ye faithful rest thy knees and allow me to spin ye a yarn which ye shanât soon forget.
Nuclear Family Splits In Incredible Explosion
You think your parentsâ divorce (your fault) was bad? Just you sit your pretty little sweet hottight ass down and wait, because while most divorces can be awfully messy, NOTHING,compares to this, because this nuclear family split in an incredible explosion. Scientists at Los Alamos National Laboratory had been studying the family of Duncan McOkinerand his now ex-wife Sinead (nĂ©e Meadhbh), as well as their two children Martin and Julie, forover two years before their split in an incredible explosion
Breaking: DEA Busts “Massive TdA Ring”, Arrests 15 High Schoolers Selling Takis
La Racista Chief of Police Trump D. Sucker said of the arrests, âYeah, it was a massive breakthrough. Massive. Got them Tren de Aruba (sic.) bastards. Thatâll teach âem to disrupt the supply chain again.â
Op-ed: I’d be way better at scooping up red goop than that fuckass robot arm
Just the other day, during my 4th out of 6 hours of daily scrolling on twitter I mean X, I saw a troubling video I had not seen in a hot second. It was that video of that fuckass robot arm trying to scoop up a bunch of red goop and failing MISERABLY. I would do way, way better. I thought we invented robots to be good at completing tasks. Take for example, the robots you see when youâre watching
If My Dad Saw That Frisbee Game, He Wouldâve Hugged Me And It Wouldâve Fixed MeïżŒ
As you, my dear readers, would know, for those performances my father wouldâve shown me ye olâ belt. However, for that last frisbee game, he wouldâve hugged me and that wouldâve fixed me.
Man in Identity Crisis Bursts into Tears at âBe Your REAL Selfâ TSA Posters
Ance had done everything right. He was a top student, president of his frat, secret Trump voter, and LinkedIn Premium user. So where did everything go wrong? He couldnât figure it out; all he could do was cry. Â
All This Catholic Bishop Stuff is Making Me Feel Like a Pawn Again
And thatâs why it pains me so to see these other bishops and princes of the church milling about at the Vatican during this time, pretending that theyâre deep in prayer while in reality we know that the âconclaveâ is really just a great fuck fantasy, acting so holier-than-thou like Bishop Lombardo once did.
Ask Flippy: Do you have the right to bear arms?ïżŒ
Dear Flippy, So I recently got arrested for something. Donât ask me what. Anyways, while I was sitting in the clink, I thought, you know, now would be a great time to reread my pocket Constitution, primarily because I was bored but also because there is a very real possibility I could go to prison. Anyways, when I pulled that Constitution out of my pocket, I saw something that made me think of you, my sweet, sweet bear friend: the
Heartbreaking: Girl who posted on her Instagram story “logging off for a bit, text me if you need to talk to me” contacted by no oneÂ
But then she went on Instagram reels and was emotionally healed. Â