EVANSTON – Last Friday night, I set off to experience the hotly anticipated film event, The Devil Inside. I have to admit, I didn’t know what to expect the first time; half of my girl friends had already frequently experienced The Devil Inside and found it quite pleasurable, but I did know a few others who said they would’ve rather been entertained by The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. It was rough from the very beginning. There was no build-up
LOS ANGELES – As Oscar season 2012 kicks off, desperate film producers have launched “For Your Consideration” ads aimed squarely at currying favor with Brett Ratner. The 42-year old filmmaker’s opinion, in a bizarre twist of fate, is considered not only relevant but actually equal to that of Martin Scorsese or half of the Coen brothers. The X-Men 3 director, whose soulless blockbuster films and derogatory comments against gays have earned him near-universal scorn, said that he sees nothing wrong
HOLLYWOOD – Kristen Stewart, star of the recently released Breaking Dawn film, has finally displayed some recognizable emotion other than apathy, The Flipside reports. Known for her unorthodox methods that generally revolve around an inability to portray human traits or emotions, Stewart has always credited her success to the techniques of method acting. Method acting, a practice first developed in New York theatres in the 1930s, involves deeply immersing oneself in the thoughts, feelings, and emotions of the portrayed character.
CHICAGO- The citizenry of Chicago was struck with awe today as they read the lyrics to Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit” that 16 year old Roland Buchanan had posted on Facebook early this morning. At 8:15 AM, students at Evanston Township High School saw Buchanan typing on his cell phone during a math lesson. “That kid is such a badass,” reported Steven, a classmate of Buchanan’s. “Nobody uses their phones during a lesson. It’s totally against the rules.” According to
EVANSTON – After much anticipation, a new historical documentary entitled “Sup, Brah” directed by esteemed archeologist Dr. Thelonious Unk finally hit theaters last night to the delight of viewers worldwide. The documentary premiered at Cinemark Century Theaters. This was the first movie to be played there since the great nuclear conflict of 2086. An estimated 1.5 million people attended the premiere to further learn about the once-great civilization of the “Bros”. The film began with footage from a historical investigation
LOS ANGELES – Needlessly famous woman Kim Kardashian decided to go all-out this past Halloween. On October 31, 2011, in an effort to complete her (sexy) gold-digger costume, Kardashian wore black Victoria’s Secret lingerie, a $2 million engagement ring, and filed for divorce from her ridiculously overpaid husband Kris Humphries. Humphries, a player for the NBA, was utterly shocked. “She just waltzed right in wearing nothing but lingerie and waved the divorce petition around like it was some sort of
HAMBURG, Holy Roman Empire – From the far West of Berlin to distant East Amsterdam, the entire world is up in arms over the hellfire hot new band The Flying Buttresses. With a repertoire full of popular ballads like “Hey You, Get off of My Pew,” “Us and Him,” and “I’ve Got 95 Theses but a Byzantine Ain’t One,” The Flying Buttresses are the most successful band in the Empire since The Painted Glass. The Flying Buttresses have vaulted to
Time Travel Gaming in Nintendo’s Future REDMOND, WA – CERN’s highest-paying investor, Nintendo CEO Satoru Iwata, is hoping to harness the newly discovered power of the neutrino for the chance to realize his latest dream: the 4DS. This not-so-hush-hush project arrives on the coattails of a declining interest in Nintendo’s last handheld console, the 3DS. In the face of plummeting sales, Nintendo decided the fourth dimension–time–was their best bet. An American focus group, comprised mostly of 13 to 21 year
CHICAGO – Groupon has scheduled a screening of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off at Wrigley Field on the first Saturday of October for the next 100 years. “It became readily apparent over the past few years that the Cubs will never have use for Wrigley Field in October,” Andrew Mason, CEO of Groupon, stated in a press conference. “They are just an incredibly shitty baseball team.” The Cubs have not had a winning record in three seasons. Despite boasting impressive household