NRA Sues Columbia for Using Trigger Warnings
The National Rifle Association decided this past Tuesday to file a formal lawsuit against Columbia University for their embrace of trigger warnings.
Category Archives: Featured
Freshmen PNM Acts Herself, is Rejected
While her attitude wasn’t particularly undesirable, members involved in recruiting were quick to notice their authenticity and removed her from their lists of prospective bids.
STUDY: Everyone but You Rushing
A recent study by the Northwestern University Department of Classics shows that everyone but you is rushing. The study reveals that all of your friends are currently planning on joining a Fraternity or Sorority.
NU Men’s Basketball Might Be Good, But You Wouldn’t Know, Would You
Coach Collins has been quoted saying we could make the NCAA Tournament this year, but it’s not like you pay attention to the best men’s basketball coach Northwestern has ever employed.
Plex Dining Halls to Redecorate Walls with Tildes, Umlauts
The RHA stressed that the beloved periods, often mistaken for polka dots, will still have a meaningful presence.
Elder Freshman Doesn’t Rush, Faces Isolation
“I’ve never really been into the whole Greek Life scene,” says Horowitz, wincing slightly at hearing his own voice for the first time in days, “so yeah. I didn’t rush. Everyone else did. I enjoy the silence.”
Mick McCall Surprised to Learn He Not Defensive Coordinator
McCall, who’s in his eighth season with Northwestern, has consistently worked hard to limit yards gained and points scored.
REPORT: Grandma Doesn’t Trust “The Asians”
“They’ve got a real shady look about them, you know what I mean? Their eyes are just…” she paused to stretch the skin around her own eyes outwards and demonstrate her point.
BREAKING: Jewish Mom Pesters Son
He recalled being assaulted by questions regarding his grades, workload, sleeping and hygiene habits, as well as concerns over getting into a good medical school.
Freshman Returns to Find Room has Been Turned into Sex Dungeon
After years of what Turman’s mother referred to as “boring, missionary sex,” she was finally ready to “take off the mom jeans and put on the edible underwear.”