In a week where all flaws of Northwestern were glossed over, reporters of The Flipside were baffled to realize that nothing can smooth over the abyss of Associate Student Government. There’s no denying it: ASG outright sucks.
Gone Greek Night offers a low-pressure environment in which no one will engage in any illegal or immoral activities, as well as an opportunity to discourage the misconceived stereotypes of Greek life.
“I know that it has been a rough week for everyone,” Schaprio began. “Mid-terms just finished. Nobody has slept much. And this week, Northwestern had one of the worst accidents it has ever experienced.”
Sources indicate that Goldsmith is currently holding his phone in his hands, weighing the prospect of a healthy conscience against the insufferable high-pitched tone of his mother’s joyful exclamations.
Symptoms include, but are not limited to, homelessness, an intense phobia of the word “clips,” and excessive fatigue. JR can also cause unnecessary moving expenses and in some patients an effective guarantee of missing Dillo Day.
In the past three days people have put over $2000 in his cup, shouting words of encouragement such as “Dance for the kids!” and “Do it for Joseph!”
Attached to the bag was a yellow post-it note reading: “Hang onto this for a while. Thx. –Momma.”
What? You haven’t been speed dating at the Celtic Knot? The Flipside did the dirty so you wouldn’t have to.
Reports indicate that the piece-of-shit individual showed up to the rink alone, put on his very own pair of ritzy, showy ice skates, and proceeded to parade around like a giant pompous asshole.