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Area 5th Grader Unsure Where to Drink Now

February 8, 2012 Nick Zessis Leave a comment

EVANSTON – The Northwestern community’s worst fears came to fruition last week when The Keg of Evanston’s liquor license was revoked. Although the decision by Mayor Tisdahl hardly seems unexpected, the decision has far-reaching effects that have surprised the community. “My friend Dave and me used to trade Pokémon cards there after school,” local fifth grader Danny Popps told Flipside reporters. “I would usually order a beer, but Dave always had a martini; he’s real fancy and stuff.” The Keg

TKOE Loses Liquor License, 1/3 of NU Students to Transfer

February 8, 2012 Christian Hernandez Leave a comment

On January 30th, 2012, The Keg of Evanston closed following the revocation of its liquor license due to multiple violations of underage drinking. Northwestern University students came together in mourning the end of those crazy, drunken nights at the Keg. Students were bound to be upset about the ruling, but no one anticipated the mass exodus from the university. Nearly one third of the student body has applied to transfer elsewhere rather than remain in a Keg-less Evanston. The top

Chinese Students Fail to Recognize Chinese-New-Year-Themed Food

February 1, 2012 Rosie Lai Leave a comment

EVANSTON — In the spirit of celebrating diversity at Northwestern, the dining halls prepared a themed dinner in honor of Chinese New Year. There was a large variety of Chinese food to choose from, including Beef Lo Mein, Chicken Lo Mein, Shrimp Lo Mein and Pork Lo Mein. The décor of the cafeteria also stayed true to the Chinese culture with fake firecrackers hanging from the ceilings and lots of gold trim. However, these efforts went unnoticed by the university’s

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Evanston Community Bemoans the End of Bemoaning TKOE

January 31, 2012 Dan Lesser Leave a comment

EVANSTON – The slew of Facebook posts, video homages, and other means of gratuitous whimpers regarding the recent revoking of the liquor license of beloved local bar ‘The Keg of Evanston’ has slowly wound down, much to to the dismay of patrons of the bar. Collectively, the complaints about Mayor Tisdahl’s decision to revoke The Keg’s liquor license, which have lasted nearly 3 months, have become an event in and of themselves that has overshadowed the actual closing of the

Read more Local, No. 73

Evanston Mayor Tisdahl to Close Keg, Frats, Reinstate Prohibition

January 30, 2012 Brian Earl Leave a comment

EVANSTON – Evanston Mayor Elizabeth Tisdahl announced Monday that she is permanently closing local iconic bar, The Keg of Evanston, due to repeated charges of underage drinking. Tisdahl explained, “When an establishment breaks the law, it must be warned, and then punished. When it continues to break the law, it must be shut down.” The announcement did not come as a surprise to Evanston residents, as Mayor Tisdahl has previously supported efforts to enforce Evanston’s “brothel law” and denied a

Mayor Tisdahl to Shut Down Northwestern Keg: Musings of a Drunk Medill Student

January 30, 2012 Tom Schroeder One comment

Somebody pass me a goddamn rum and coke.

Read more Local, No. 73

BREAKING: Mayor Tisdahl Received Campaign Donation from Ghost of Francis Willard

January 30, 2012 Brian Lee Leave a comment

Flipside Exclusive! EVANSTON – Reports indicate that Mayor Tisdahl has received a large sum of campaign donations from the ghost of renowned prohibitionist Francis Willard over the past few years. Leaked internal documents shows that Willard, lobbying on behalf of the Women’s Christian Temperance Union, has provided thousands of dollars for Tisdahl’s campaign. Tisdahl has denied that her rigid stance against drinking, brothels and happiness was influenced by the donations. “I have always fought hard for the peace and safety

Read more Local, No. 73

Martin Luther King, Jr. Day Causes Annual Peak In White Guilt

January 18, 2012 Tom Schroeder Leave a comment

EVANSTON – This past Monday, Caucasian students all over Northwestern’s campus banded together to feel collectively uncomfortable as the nation celebrated Martin Luther King Jr. Day. While a service day on Saturday and a Monday night vigil were held in King’s honor, the biggest tribute to his legacy was the multitude of slight sensations of guilt held within the hearts of all the privileged Aryan Northwestern students. “I spent the whole day feeling a vague sense of unease. Maybe I’m

Dumb Freshmen Excited by First Snowfall

January 18, 2012 Flippy Leave a comment

EVANSTON – With January halfway over, Northwestern University experienced its first snowfall of winter quarter last Thursday, much to the excitement of stupid, stupid freshmen. “I am, like, so excited for all this snow!” exclaimed well-meaning-yet-slightly-dim Weinberg freshman Jessica Garber. “I grew up in SoCal, so I’m super pumped for this snowfall. Literally every upperclassman I know has told me how shitty the weather gets here, but I’m sure the snow will be awesome forever.” “Snow is so unbelievably fun,”

4000-Year-Old NU Student Found Preserved in Norris Ice Rink

January 16, 2012 Tom Schroeder Leave a comment

EVANSTON – During last week’s heat wave, the sheets of ice on top of the Norris ice rink melted away, allowing a Northwestern student to make a startling discovery: the frozen corpse of an NU student dated at 4000 years old. “This is a fantastic find,” explained NU professor Dr. Harry Tooth, “The remarkably well-preserved state of the body will give us a great idea of what college life was like during the dawn of man.” Tooth explained that the