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Category Archives: Local

Diversity Initiative Prompts Sororities to Accept Marginally Less Stereotypical Sisters

January 13, 2012 Flippy Leave a comment

EVANSTON — With doomsday approaching at the end of 2012, people and communities are desperately seeking ways to do good and collect some positive karma. Northwestern University’s Panhellenic Association (PHA) is no exception. At the last Greek Life Summit, the Panhellenic board decreed that the sororities had to diversify their new pledge class, encouraging them to select members that are drastically different from the existing sisters. When asked if they believed the chapters would find this new law difficult to

Fraternities, Sororities Show Freshmen How Cool They Are by Not Hanging Out With Opposite Gender for a Week

January 12, 2012 Sam Block Leave a comment

EVANSTON – In an effort to get students to join their social club, Northwestern’s fraternities and sororities did not interact across the gender divide during rush week. Promising a better social life, fraternity members spent the week eating with a bunch of other guys, engaging in all-male sumo wrestling, and abstaining from alcohol. Occasionally, students were granted admittance to a fraternity, resulting in a bunch of guys running outside, touching each other in close quarters, and singing songs. McCormick Freshmen

Fantasy Sorority League Sweeps Northwestern

January 11, 2012 Flippy One comment

EVANSTON – As Northwestern students are welcomed back to school for the 2012 winter quarter, people are looking forward to the new crop of pledges into the Greek system. However, some NU students are participating in a new fad sweeping the nation, the Fantasy Sorority League, or FSL for short. Based on more well-known fantasy sports, such as fantasy football or baseball, the FSL records important statistics from both the pledging side and the recruiting side of the sorority recruitment

Man Gratifies Self In Shower After Fulfilling Workout

November 28, 2011 Tom Schroeder Leave a comment

The witness told The Flipside that “every time we tried to talk him down, he just kept stroking his ego more and more.”

Pat Fitzgerald Arrested for Acts of Humanitarianism

November 23, 2011 Tom Schroeder Leave a comment

“[T]he legacy of Northwestern football will no longer be defined by mediocre success but rather by the monstrosities of one man’s actions.”

Northwestern Unveils New Meme Studies Major

November 23, 2011 Richie Hoffman 22 comments

EVANSTON – In a move to appeal to an increasingly Internet-centric youth, Northwestern University will be offering a major in Meme Studies, Assistant Dean for Curriculum Joan Linsenmeier announced yesterday. Northwestern will become the first major university to offer a degree in the up-and-coming science of Internet memes. This announcement comes in response to years of student petitions for the university to offer a full major in studying Internet memes – which, for those uninitiated in Internet culture, is defined

70-Year-Old CSO Successfully Prevents a Crime

November 21, 2011 Andrew Schneider Leave a comment

EVANSTON – Jack Weller, a Community Service Officer working the Wednesday-evening night shift in the Foster-Walker lobby, was honored by the Evanston Police Department Tuesday for unprecedented heroics. Weller is now the first CSO in over a decade to actually thwart an ongoing crime, a task that the celebrated hero attributed to “I have no idea how that actually worked.” According to reports filed with the EPD, John Weller was unobtrusively reading at the front desk when he heard shouts

[Future Issue: 2161] “Sup, Brah” Hits Theatres

November 14, 2011 Christian Hernandez Leave a comment

EVANSTON – After much anticipation, a new historical documentary entitled “Sup, Brah” directed by esteemed archeologist Dr. Thelonious Unk finally hit theaters last night to the delight of viewers worldwide. The documentary premiered at Cinemark Century Theaters. This was the first movie to be played there since the great nuclear conflict of 2086. An estimated 1.5 million people attended the premiere to further learn about the once-great civilization of the “Bros”. The film began with footage from a historical investigation

[Future Issue: 2161] BK Introduces Extra-Super-Jumbo-Biggie-Large Size

November 13, 2011 Lauren Schneider Leave a comment

EVANSTON – In an effort to keep up with McDonald’s Super-Duper combo size, Burger King recently introduced the Extra-Super-Jumbo-Biggie-Large size. This new gigantic portion of food features a 3-pound bag of fries and a 136-ounce bucket of your favorite soft drink to complement your burger. Burger King CEO Mike Borowitz is pleased with the new size’s large success since its unveiling in Evanston last Friday, adding that the board of trustees knew the town would be the perfect neighborhood for

Parents Weekend to be Highlight of Lonely Freshman’s Quarter

November 11, 2011 Clare Roth Leave a comment

Parr mentions that he’s excited for the weekend because he and his parents get along famously and like all the same things. He notes a mutual love of sweaters, Reader’s Digest, and fiber.